Absent families - educate responsible children

In almost every country in the world, there is a growing awareness that the number of families with the physical presence of both parents is decreasing, and it is even more alarming that experts predict that this family model will become rarer and rarer. It is therefore essential to assume that much remains to be done in terms of raising awareness of responsible parenthood. Otherwise, the number of children who will grow up without adequate emotional support will have negative repercussions not only for them, but for society as a whole.

A question of responsibility

Some people think that in raising children, the material is more important than the emotional aspect. Therefore, when parents, for various reasons, leave the care of their children in the hands of grandparents, which is quite common, or uncles or nannies, even if the child is well cared for by these people, he or she will always feel the void of the irreplaceable love of his or her biological parents, whom scholars call absentee fathers. Many times, these absentee fathers and mothers are really forced by insurmountable circumstances that separate them from their children. However, there are fathers who, after the end of the sentimental relationship, also distance themselves from their child. Only those who possess sensitivity, maturity and love manage to make the necessary adjustments in their routine to offer the valuable face-to-face support that provides guidance, affection and values in their children's lives.

Ways of being absent

There is a type of father who, upon termination of the relationship with his child's mother, disappears completely from the child's life, ignoring even his elementary child support duties. This father chooses not to see or know of the child's existence, totally renouncing his paternity.

Other absent fathers do wish to exercise their paternity, but are separated from the children by the mother, who, sometimes unconsciously or by imitating the behavior of other mothers, does not give the necessary value to the father figure and adopts selfish attitudes that are detrimental to the future development of the children.

The unknown or missing absent father may appear in cases of teenage pregnancy, where the young person, upon learning of the pregnancy, reacts out of fear or irresponsibility and completely disengages. In his or her adult life, he or she may wish to meet his or her son or daughter and offer affection.

There are also involuntary absent fathers, which can be classified into two groups:

• Some parents are physically present, but their immaturity prevents them from interacting and performing their role as parents, educating and guiding their children. They are associated with the Peter Pan syndrome, where the adult never grows up and always acts like a child.
• Other parents, due to their professions, are absent from the home for long periods or seasons to meet the needs of the family. This type of parent is common in some countries where economic precariousness leads them to accept job opportunities in distant places to provide a better quality of life for their children.

The psychological cost

Those who have had the privilege of growing up with their parents will never be able to measure the profound pain caused by their absence during childhood. The sense of helplessness and lack of proper guidance are only a small part of the price to pay. Growing up with this experience makes it difficult for future adults to adapt to society, generating low self-esteem and difficulties in identifying with authority figures.

The psychological cost also manifests itself in impulsive attitudes, states of anxiety, stress and aggressive behavior. Not knowing how to handle the sadness of a parent's absence can lead to depressive states and antisocial behavior. No material good can compare to the value of growing up with biological parents, who, through their loving care, provide a solid foundation for a full and happy adult life.