Couples therapy often presents itself as a solution to resolve conflicts and strengthen the relationship. However, in contexts marked by psychological violence, couples therapy can become a dangerous tool, worsening the victim's situation and even putting their physical and emotional integrity at risk.
What Is Psychological Violence and Why Is It Important to Recognize It?
Psychological violence, also known as emotional abuse, encompasses a set of behaviors that seek to control, humiliate, isolate, and devalue the other person. It includes insults, threats, manipulation, excessive control, emotional blackmail, social and economic isolation, among others. Often, this form of violence is subtle and progressive, which makes it difficult for the victim and their surroundings to identify. Recognizing it is the first step to breaking the cycle of abuse.
The Danger of Couples Therapy in Situations of Psychological Abuse
When the couple's dynamic is characterized by psychological violence, couples therapy can be counterproductive for several reasons:
1. Invalidation of the Victim's Experience
The perpetrator often uses therapy as an opportunity to manipulate the therapist and present a distorted image of reality. They may deny the violence, minimize their actions, or even blame the victim for their own behavior. This can lead the therapist, if not properly trained in gender-based violence, to invalidate the victim's experience, reinforcing feelings of guilt and isolation.
2. Increased Control and Manipulation
The perpetrator can use information obtained in therapy to exert greater control over the victim. For example, they may use weaknesses revealed in the session to manipulate or threaten the victim. Additionally, merely attending therapy can be used as a way to "demonstrate" that they are trying to solve the problem, which allows them to maintain control of the situation and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
3. Risk of Revictimization
Couples therapy requires an environment of trust and safety where both partners feel comfortable expressing their feelings and needs. However, in a relationship where psychological violence exists, the victim may feel afraid to speak openly for fear of retaliation. Therapy, instead of being a safe space, becomes an additional source of stress and anxiety, increasing the risk of revictimization.
4. Normalization of Violence
If the therapist does not have adequate training in gender-based violence, they may fall into the trap of normalizing psychological violence, considering it a mere "communication problem" or "personality differences." This can make the victim feel even more confused and isolated, and can lead the perpetrator to feel legitimized in their behavior.
Alternatives to Couples Therapy in Cases of Psychological Violence
Instead of couples therapy, there are safer and more effective alternatives to address psychological violence:
1. Individual Therapy for the Victim
Individual therapy with a professional specialized in gender-based violence offers the victim a safe space to process their experiences, strengthen their self-esteem, and develop strategies to protect themselves. It is essential that the victim receive support to recognize the violence, leave the cycle of abuse, and rebuild their life.
2. Individual Therapy for the Perpetrator (With Precautions)
If the perpetrator is willing to acknowledge their behavior and seek help, individual therapy with a professional specialized in working with perpetrators can be useful. However, it is crucial that the therapist has experience in this type of intervention and focuses on the perpetrator's responsibility for their actions, rather than seeking excuses or justifications.
3. Support Groups for Victims
Participating in support groups with other people who have had similar experiences can be very beneficial for the victim. In these groups, victims can share their stories, feel understood, and receive emotional and practical support.
4. Seek Legal Advice
It is essential that the victim seek legal advice to know their rights and legal options. A lawyer specialized in gender-based violence can help them make informed decisions and protect themselves and their children.
