The Human Mirror (Rapport Building)

Unconscious synchronization (Rapport)

Establishing rapport with someone is crucial for effective communication. It is not simply about being friendly; it is a deep feeling of connection, trust and mutual understanding.

In most cases, this process is completely natural and unconscious. Think about the last time you met someone and felt an immediate connection; chances are you were in rapport without realizing it. This phenomenon manifests itself physically.

If you observe two people in a coffee shop who are deeply connected, you will notice that their bodies mimic each other.

They adopt the same postures, cross their legs at the same time, raise their coffee cups almost in unison, and speak at a similar pace and volume.

This is the natural human tendency to mirror those we agree with or trust.

The goal of this topic is to make this process conscious so that you can deliberately make a connection.

Synchronizing physiology (Matching and Mirroring).

The first step to deliberately building rapport is to be 100% present with your interlocutor.

You cannot synchronize with someone if you are thinking about your next meeting or your bills. Once you are present, you can begin to synchronize your physiology.

There are two ways to do this: Matching (doing exactly the same thing, as if you both put your right hand in your pocket) and Mirroring (mirroring as in a mirror; if he puts his right hand in his pocket, you put your left hand).

Start with the general posture. If the person crosses his arms, you can cross yours as well.

Synchronize the different parts of the body: if his legs are crossed, cross your legs; if he rests his hand on your cheek, do the same.

You can also synchronize smaller gestures, such as the tilt of the head, a specific hand gesture when emphasizing a point, or even the frequency of blinking.

Voice Synchronization (Pitch, volume and speed)

Synchronization is not limited to visual; it must also be auditory. Synchronizing your voice with that of your interlocutor is one of the most powerful rapport techniques.

This involves adjusting three elements of your paralanguage:

Tone: Does the person have a deep or high-pitched voice? You should adjust yours slightly to get closer to their register.

Volume: Does he or she speak loudly or, conversely, almost whisper? Adjust their volume to match yours.

Speed: Do you speak very fast or do you take your time and speak slowly?

Imagine trying to buy a car; you are a calm person who likes to take your time to decide.

The salesperson, however, is hyperactive, talks very fast, loudly and keeps asking questions without waiting for an answer.

Even if the store is empty, you will feel pressured, tired and unheard.

Chances are you will leave without buying. That salesperson broke the rapport by not adapting. To convince someone, you must synchronize with their rhythm.

The importance of being subtle and when not to reflect

One crucial caveat: this synchronization must be subtle.

It is not a crude and immediate imitation, which would be obvious and the other person might feel you are mocking them. The changes should be light and graceful.

If the person crosses his or her arms, wait a few seconds; you can adopt the same posture when it is your turn to speak, to make it appear more natural.

There is one important exception: never reflect gestures of power or dominanc