Cognitive Restructuring

Identification of negative automatic thoughts

The cognitive premise is that it is not the facts that disturb us, but our interpretation of them.

In conflict couples, "negative automatic thoughts" predominate: quick, biased and catastrophic interpretations of the other's behavior.

If the partner is late, the automatic thought might be, "He doesn't give a damn about me."

These thoughts arise spontaneously and are accepted as absolute truths.

The first therapeutic task is to help the couple "fish out" these thoughts as they occur.

They are trained to detect the change in their mood (from calm to anger or sadness) and to ask themselves, "What just went through my mind?"

Identifying this internal dialogue is the necessary preliminary step to be able to question its validity and stop the emotional escalation they provoke.

The self-reporting logbook or thought log

To systematize this work, the thought log or self-report log is used.

It is a homework assignment where the patient must write down specific events that disturbed him/her, following a column structure: Situation (what happened), Thought (what I said to myself), Emotion (what I felt) and Behavior (what I did).

This tool allows the partner and therapist to detect recurring cognitive patterns, such as mind-reading ("I know he did it to upset me") or overgeneralization. By putting it down on paper, a critical distance is created that facilitates rational analysis.

In subsequent sessions, an "Alternative Thinking" column is added, where the patient is challenged to generate a more balanced, evidence-based interpretation, thus restructuring his or her perception of the relationship.

Down Arrow Technique and Core Beliefs

Sometimes, automatic thoughts are just the tip of the iceberg. Beneath them lie "core beliefs" or deep-seated schemas about self and love.

The descending arrow technique is a method of Socratic questioning designed to get to the bottom of these beliefs.

Faced with a thought from the patient (e.g., "If he goes out with his friends, I feel bad"), the therapist repeatedly asks, "And if that were true, what would that mean for you? What's the worst thing about it?"

This vertical probing peels back superficial layers until the core fear is revealed, such as "it means I'm not worthy of love" or "it means I'm going to be lonely."

By exposing these irrational core beliefs, one can work on their deep modification, as it is these that truly govern the person's emotional reactivity.

Summary

Identifying negative automatic thoughts allows us to question quick and biased interpretations. Detecting the internal dialogue is a necessary preliminary step to stop emotional escalations caused by erroneous absolutist beliefs.

The self-report log records events, thoughts, emotions and behaviors to detect recurring patterns. It facilitates rational analysis allowing to generate balanced alternative thoughts based on real and objective evidence.

The downward arrow technique reveals core beliefs or deep-seated patterns of insecurity. Exposing core fears allows to work on deep modifications in the emotional reactivity that currently governs the individual.