Existential Analysis

The shared and individual life project

Existential analysis in couple therapy focuses on the notion of "being-in-the-world".

The partners are invited to reflect on their purpose and direction: "Where is my life going? Where is our relationship going?".

Many couple crises arise because individual life projects have diverged or because a meaningful common project was never built. The intervention consists in making these projects explicit.

The couple can be asked to design or narrate their "life project", identifying which goals are authentic and which are inherited or imposed.

This can lead to profound discoveries, such as realizing that one is following a social script (getting married, having children) that does not resonate with one's authentic self.

Aligning or renegotiating these existential projects is critical to the long-term viability of the union.

Radical responsibility and decision-making

A pillar of existentialism is the radical assumption of one's own freedom and responsibility. "I am the master of my life and my decisions."

In therapy, this means confronting the tendency to blame fate, luck or one's partner for one's unhappiness.

If one feels trapped, the therapist returns the question, "What are you doing to keep yourself in this situation you claim to hate?"

Work is done to get the individual to stop asking the therapist (or partner) to tell him or her what to do. The anguish of having to decide is part of the price of freedom.

By empowering the person to take charge of his or her choices (and the consequences of those choices), the victim/victimizer dynamic in the relationship is broken.

The couple ceases to be a prison and becomes the stage where two free adults decide to share their existence.

Living in the "eternal present" and finitude

Anxiety often comes from living in the past (guilt/regret) or in the future (worry).

The existential approach emphasizes the importance of inhabiting the present, the only time where life really happens.

The couple is encouraged to connect with the "here and now" of their experience, rather than postponing happiness or connection to a hypothetical future ("when we have money," "when the children grow up"). This approach also integrates awareness of finitude and death.

Recognizing that time is limited and that the relationship is not eternal can be a powerful driver to value the present moment and stop wasting life on trivial conflicts or "living half-heartedly."

Confronting the temporality of existence helps to prioritize what is truly essential and authentic for the couple.

Summary

Existential analysis focuses on the shared and individual life project. It invites reflection on the purpose and direction of the relationship, aligning authentic goals for the future.

It encourages radical responsibility for one's own decisions and personal happiness. Empowers the individual to take charge of his or her choices, no longer blaming fate or the partner.

It emphasizes living in the eternal present, integrating the awareness of finitude and death. This perspective helps to prioritize the essential, valuing the present moment without wasting life in trivial conflicts.