Family Structures and Rules

Holons and the influence of third parties on the dyad

Although therapy focuses on the couple, the couple is never isolated. The relationship is surrounded by external structures that exert pressure and influence. Imagine the couple as a subsystem within larger systems.

Children, for example, can drastically alter the dynamics, diverting the attention previously devoted to each other by the partners. Then there are the families of origin.

In-laws, brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law and other relatives can be sources of support or intense conflict, especially if health or elder care issues are involved.

Even friendships, educational institutions or religious communities are part of this structural ecosystem.

A thorough analysis of the couple should map who these "third parties" are that move in and out of the boundaries of the relationship, affecting its stability.

Implicit versus explicit rules

Every relationship operates under a set of rules. Some are explicit and agreed upon, such as "on Sundays we eat out."

However, most relationships operate on "autopilot" based on implicit or unspoken rules that have settled in over time. These invisible rules can be dangerous if left unchecked.

For example, there may be an unspoken rule that "when one is angry, the other should withdraw," which may not be functional in the long run. A central task of structural therapy is to make the implicit explicit.

By verbalizing these hidden rules, the couple regains the ability to assess whether these rules serve them or whether they need to renegotiate the relational contract to adapt it to their current needs.

Cohesion and adaptability: Searching for balance

The structural school offers us two axes to eva luate the health of a relationship: emotional closeness and flexibility. In both cases, extremes are usually pathological.

Adaptability: A relationship that is too rigid (e.g. "dinner is served at 18:00 without exception") breaks down in the face of stress or unforeseen events.

On the contrary, a chaotic relationship without any structure or routine generates insecurity and instability, especially if there are children.

Cohesion: On the emotional axis, a detached or distant relationship lacks the intimacy necessary to sustain the bond.

At the other extreme, a cluttered or "entangled" relationship stifles individuality and fosters codependency.

The therapeutic goal is to help the couple move toward the center: a flexible structure that allows for change when necessary, and an emotional connection that provides support without overriding each partner's individual identity.

Summary

Couples interact within larger systems influenced by children and families. External third parties affect relational stability by altering boundaries and shared affective dynamics.

Relationships operate through invisible implicit rules established over time. Structural therapy seeks to verbalize them in order to renegotiate relational contracts adapted to current needs.

Healthy balance requires emotional cohesion without annulling individual identities. Flexible adaptability allows coping with stress while avoiding extreme rigidity or chaos within the system.