Physiological Regulation and Repair

The Physiological Flood Phenomenon (PFD)

Conflict management is impossible if the body is in a state of alarm. This state is called Diffuse Psychological Activation (DPA) or flooding.

It occurs when the sympathetic nervous system is activated in the face of a perceived threat (conflict with a partner), causing drastic biological changes: the heart rate accelerates (exceeding 100 bpm), blood pressure rises and adrenaline and cortisol are secreted.

In this state, higher cognitive abilities, such as empathy, humor, creativity and active listening, are blocked.

The person enters tunnel vision and can only attack or flee. Clinically, it is vital to educate the couple to recognize these physical signs.

If they attempt to solve a major problem while they are swamped, the outcome will invariably be disastrous, as biologically they are not equipped for diplomacy at that time.

Self-calming techniques and time-outs

The priority intervention in the face of flooding is to stop the interaction. A "time-out" or technical pause protocol is established.

When one of the members detects that he/she is flooded (or the therapist signals it), he/she should signal and the discussion should stop immediately.

It is crucial that during this break (minimum 20 minutes), the person performs self-calming activities (reading a magazine, breathing, listening to music) and avoids ruminating thoughts of indignation ("it's unbelievable that he would say that to me") or victimhood ("poor me").

The goal is to lower physiological arousal so that you can return to the conversation from a calm state.

Without the ability to self-soothe, the partner is trapped in an escalation of reactivity.

The power of repair attempts

Beyond avoiding escalation, successful couples are masters at repair. An attempt at repair is any verbal or nonverbal gesture that is intended to de-escalate tension and prevent negativity from getting out of control.

It can be an apology ("I'm sorry, I reacted badly"), a joke (if it is well received), or an acknowledgment ("I get your point").

The determining factor is not how elegant the repair is, but whether it is accepted by the other.

In stable relationships, attempts at repair are noticed and accepted, functioning like brakes on a downhill road.

The therapist helps the couple to identify and use standard repair phrases and, more importantly, to train the receiver to recognize these attempts as white flags of peace, rather than ignoring them and continuing the attack. When repair repeatedly fails, the conflict becomes toxic.

Summary

Diffuse psychological arousal impedes conflict management by blocking higher cognitive abilities. Educating on physical cues such as adrenaline avoids communicative disasters during states of alarm in session.

Stopping the interaction through a technical pause is imperative in the face of detected physiological flooding. Performing relaxing activities during this break reduces reactivity and allows the final emotional calm to resume.

Attempts to repair are gestures to de-escalate tension and avoid uncontrolled negativity. Their success depends on the acceptance by the receiver to heal the bond damaged by them.