Problem Solving and Communication

Training in active listening and speaker/listener rules

Effective communication is a technical skill that can be learned. The central pillar is active listening, where the goal is to understand, not to counterattack.

Clear rules for interaction are established, often using the "speaker and listener technique".

In this format, whoever has the floor (and often a physical object to symbolize it) speaks in "I" messages, expressing feelings and needs without blaming.

The rule for the listener is that he cannot refute or give solutions; his only task is to paraphrase what he has heard to confirm understanding ("What I understand you to say is..."). Only when the speaker feels fully understood are the roles switched.

This artificial structure slows down the conflict, avoids interruptions, and ensures that validation occurs before moving on to problem solving, which is essential for lowering defenses.

Structured steps for conflict resolution

Once the connection and mutual understanding is established, pragmatic problem solving can proceed. This process follows a logical sequence to avoid emotional chaos.

First, the problem is defined clearly and neutrally, eliminating value judgments.

Second, brainstorming takes place where all options are valid and not criticized.

Third, the pros and cons of each proposed option are eva luated.

Fourth, a compromise solution is negotiated that is acceptable (though not perfect) to both parties.

And fifth, a concrete plan of action is established: who will do what and when.

This systematic approach helps the couple break out of the emotional impasse and function as a collaborative team in the face of external or logistical challenges.

Relaxation techniques and emotional self-control

No communication technique works if the brain is "hijacked" by anger or anxiety.

Therefore, training in physiological coping skills is an integral part of therapy.

The couple is taught to recognize their physical signs of overflow and to apply deactivation techniques.

This includes deep diaphragmatic breathing (such as the 4-7-8 technique), progressive muscle relaxation, or visualization of safe places.

These self-management tools allow individuals to regulate their autonomic nervous system in times of crisis.

Learning to "cool down" before responding prevents conflict from escalating into verbal or physical abuse, and creates the mental space needed to apply learned cognitive and behavioral strategies.

Summary

Active listening seeks to understand deeply without counterattacking through speaker and listener rules. Slowing down conflict ensures mutual validation before moving on to pragmatic solutions needed today.

Structured resolution follows a logical sequence: define the problem, brainstorm and negotiate. Establishing concrete plans helps to function as a collaborative team in the face of external logistical challenges.

Relaxation techniques and emotional self-control regulate the nervous system at critical moments. Learning to "cool down" prevents escalation into abuse by creating mental space to apply learned strategies.