Reframing

Changing the label of the problem

Reframing is an essential cognitive and systemic technique that consists of modifying the couple's interpretation of a behavior or situation. The facts do not change, but the meaning attributed to them does.

Couples often come to therapy with rigid, negative frames: "He is passive and doesn't care about anything" or "She is hysterical and controlling."

The therapist challenges these labels by offering an alternative, plausible and less pathologizing reading.

For example, if one complains that one's partner "yells all the time," the therapist can reframe this by suggesting that "there is an intense and desperate desire to be heard and to connect."

By changing the label from "aggression" to "seeking connection," the recipient's emotional response may shift from defensiveness to empathy. The problematic behavior is not denied, the lens through which it is judged is changed.

Attribution of positive intentions

A powerful variant of reframing is the search for underlying positive intent.

In dysfunctional systems, negative behaviors often stem from failed attempts to protect the relationship or oneself. The therapist actively seeks the noble motivation behind the awkward act.

If one partner is working late and the other feels neglected, the reframing might be, "Maybe that dedication to work is not a rejection of you, but a way he/she feels he/she is taking care of and providing security for the family."

This does not excuse the absence, but transforms the "selfish absentee" into a "concerned provider."

This shift in perspective reduces hostility and allows the couple to negotiate from a place of mutual recognition rather than accusation.

Normalization and depathologization of conflict

Reframing is also used to normalize crises that the couple experiences as catastrophic.

Often, conflicts arise from natural life transitions (birth of a child, retirement) that destabilize the system.

If the couple interprets this stress as "our love is over", the therapist reframes the situation as a "growth crisis" or a "necessary adaptation to a new stage". By depathologizing the conflict, anxiety and a sense of failure are reduced.

The message is conveyed that their struggle is not a symptom of a terminal relationship, but the effort of a living system to find a new equilibrium.

This restores hope and agency to the couple, allowing them to see their difficulties as surmountable challenges rather than relational death sentences.

Summary

Reframing modifies the negative interpretation of behaviors without changing the objective facts. It challenges rigid labels by offering plausible and much less pathologizing alternative readings for both members of the system.

It seeks the underlying positive intent behind awkward or harmful acts performed by the partner. Transforms the perception of aggression into a search for connection, facilitating empathy and mutual negotiation.

Normalizes natural life crises by depathologizing conflict as a necessary crisis of growth. Restores hope to the system by allowing difficulties to be seen as surmountable challenges instead of definitive sentences.