Sexual Myths and Beliefs

Dismantling the Tyranny of Spontaneity

One of the most damaging myths in couple sexuality is the belief that "real" and "good" sex must always be spontaneous, arising from a movie-like outburst of uncontrollable passion.

This expectation generates frustration in long-term relationships, where routine and obligations decrease the frequency of these natural urges.

The clinical reality is that reactive desire (that which arises in response to stimulation or context) is as valid as spontaneous desire. In therapy, we work to validate planned or "scheduled" sex.

Far from being "passion killers," planning allows for the creation of the mental and physical space necessary for intimacy, freeing the couple from passively waiting for a perfect moment that rarely arrives on its own.

Preparing for the encounter can increase anticipation and desire, turning intentionality into an erotic tool.

The trap of coitocentrism and simultaneity.

Another limiting belief is the coitocentric model, which dictates that a sexual relationship is only "valid" if it involves penetration and culminates in orgasm (preferably simultaneous).

This rigid script excludes a vast array of erotic practices and generates immense pressure on performance.

If there is no erection or penetration, the couple feels that "there was no sex" or that the encounter was a failure. It is essential to re-educate the couple to broaden their definition of sexuality.

Sex includes caresses, massages, oral sex, manual and erotic games that do not necessarily lead to intercourse.

Similarly, the myth of simultaneous orgasm as the pinnacle of love is a literary fantasy that often leads to faking or disconnecting from one's own pleasure in an attempt to synchronize with the other.

Individual and shared enjoyment is the goal, not chronometric synchronization.

The importance of explicit communication about preferences

There is a romantic myth that "if he loves me, he should know what I like without me telling him."

This mind-reading fallacy is responsible for much of sexual dissatisfaction.

Assuming that the partner knows our erotic maps or that what worked yesterday will work today leads to a progressive disconnect. Silence in bed is not a virtue.

Through anamnesis and therapy, partners are encouraged to verbalize their likes, dislikes and fantasies.

As the metaphor of the couple who ate the part of the chicken they didn't like for 40 years by not talking illustrates, well-meaning silence c