Strategies in the face of Resistance

Validation and the "Temporary Attempt" technique.

When clients resist trying a new behavior on the grounds that they have "already tried everything" or that "it won't work," direct confrontation often raises the barrier.

An effective strategy, inspired by clinical teachers, is empathic validation followed by a request for temporary suspension of disbelief.

The therapist might say, "I understand that this seems pointless or artificial to you given your history. You are right to be skeptical. However, I ask that you give me the benefit of the doubt just for now."

The key phrase is: "Try it alone here, in this room, for five minutes.

If it doesn't work or seems ridiculous to you, you can abandon it as soon as you walk through the door and never do it again."

By reducing the cost of engagement (it's not forever, it's just a brief experiment), resistance often diminishes, allowing the couple to experience a different interaction that, in itself, can be corrective.

Change of focus: From triadic to dyadic.

A common form of resistance is to triangulate the therapist, talking to the therapist about the couple ("She always does this...") instead of talking to the couple. This keeps the therapist in the role of judge or savior and avoids direct intimacy.

The strategy to break this is to consistently redirect communication toward the dyad.

The therapist should intervene by saying, "Please tell her directly, not me."

By forcing dyadic interaction (between the partners), the therapist steps out of the line of fire and forces the system to activate its own resources.

If the resistance manifests as a block in communication between them, the therapist can model the phrase and ask them to repeat it while looking each other in the eye, facilitating the contact they are avoiding.

The principle of not outworking the client

A clear indicator of a therapy stalled by resistance is therapist burnout.

If the professional is found suggesting solutions, convincing, or "pulling the cart" while the partner remains passive or rejects every proposal, the balance of responsibility has been broken. The golden rule is never to work harder than the clients in their own life.

Faced with this situation, the therapist must stop and give back responsibility: "I feel like I am rowing alone here.

I have a lot of tools, but I can't want your relationship any more than you do. What are you willing to do today?".

Letting