The Bad Habits of the Listener: Filtering, Discounting and Rehearsing Responses.

The "Filterer": only listens to what confirms his point of view.

The first bad habit is that of selective filtering. The "Filterer" is a listener whose mind scans the conversation for points of agreement.

As long as the interlocutor's message aligns with his own beliefs, he pays attention.

However, the moment he hears an idea that contradicts his point of view, his listening process stops.

His characteristic response usually begins with "yes, but...", indicating that he has stopped absorbing the other's information and has begun to formulate his rebuttal.

This habit prevents any constructive dialogue, as the listener closes himself off to the possibility of considering a perspective other than his own.

The "Discontender": rejects the message because he does not respect the speaker.

The second bad habit is that of discounting, which arises when the listener does not respect the speaker. In this case, the problem is not the content of the message, but the source.

Even if what the speaker is saying is one hundred percent correct and beneficial, the "Discounter" will reject it and ignore it completely, either internally or explicitly.

This behavior is often based on prejudice, personal resentment or bias.

A more subtle form of this habit occurs when a good argument is dismissed simply because the speaker is not charismatic or eloquent, demonstrating that style is valued over substance.

The "Rehearser": not listening because he is mentally preparing his response.

Perhaps the most common bad habit is that of mental rehearsal.

The "Rehearser" is not really present in the conversation because, while the other person is speaking, he is busy mentally preparing and rehearsing his next intervention.

His cognitive energy is not devoted to understanding the message he is receiving, but to thinking about what he is going to say, how he is going to say it, and at what point he will be able to interrupt to do so.

This process of "waiting for a turn to speak" completely blocks active listening.

As a result, the rehearser loses the thread of the conversation and ends up dialoguing only with his own ideas, remaining in a completely different dimension from that of his interlocutor.

The "Predictor": assumes he/she knows what the other person is going to say and goes ahead of him/herself.

Finally, we have the "Predictor", a listener who, out of overconfidence or boredom, assumes that he already knows where the conversation is headed.

Upon hearing the beginning of an idea, his mind jumps far ahead of the speaker, predicting the end of the argument.

This listener comes to a conclusion based on a message that was never fully expressed.

By jumping ahead in this way, he not only misses the nuances and important details of the actual message.

But he or she often reacts to an idea that the speaker never intended to communicate, which can derail and completely defeat the original purpose of the conversation.

Summary

The "Filterer" is a listener who only hears what confirms his point of view. The moment he hears an idea that contradicts his own, his listening process stops and he begins to formulate his rebuttal.

The "Discontender" rejects the message not because of its content, but because he does not respect the speaker, often out of prejudice or resentment. Even if what is said is correct, the message will be completely ignored because of its source.

The "Rehearser," the most common habit, is not present because while the other is speaking, he is busy preparing his response. His energy is not devoted to understanding, but to thinking about what he is going to say next.