Rigidity in life plans and its impact on emotional well-being

From an early age, people form an internal idea of how their life should unfold.

This mental representation is not usually developed consciously, but is shaped through observation of close figures: family members, teachers, cultural references, and the media.

It includes expectations about what is considered “a successful life”: having a certain career, achieving financial stability, starting a family, or living with a certain image of fulfillment.

Sometimes this model is based on imitation: following in the footsteps of a hard-working father, a devoted mother, or a grandparent who overcame great adversity.

Other times it arises as opposition: avoiding repeating patterns of conflict, poverty, or emotional dissatisfaction that marked childhood.

When the plan becomes a trap

These internal representations can function as motivating compasses, but also as sources of suffering when they become inflexible.

If a person assumes that life must follow exactly that script—owning a home before age 30, getting married at a certain stage, or finding “the ideal job”—any deviation can feel like a threat or a failure.

Life, however, does not fit into pre-established patterns.

It can bring unexpected situations such as sudden illness, a breakup, job loss, or even an internal shift in interests that calls into question what once seemed clear.

These deviations from the plan can cause distress, feelings of disorientation, or symptoms of depression, especially if you live with the idea that “I should be somewhere else” or “this is not what I expected for myself.”

The gap between expectations and reality

Emotional distress often stems from the gap between what you believe “should be happening” and what is actually happening.

If a person thinks that they can only feel fulfilled by achieving certain goals or living an idealized version of themselves, anything that deviates from that path can be interpreted as failure.

This thinking can lead to hopelessness, constant self-criticism, or paralysis.

Accepting that life does not follow a perfect mold

It is essential to understand that life is full of nuances, unexpected twists, and uncertain stages.

Even those who appear to be successful or stable face challenges that are not visible from the outside. The notion of a linear existence, without ups and downs or losses, is a myth.

Rather than trying to force reality into a rigid mold, it is healthier to learn to adapt that mold to what is happening, with openness and flexibility.

Flexibility as a tool for mental health

Revising your life plan does not mean giving up your personal goals, but rather giving them space to transform.

What once seemed central—for example, achieving a certain job status—may give way to other priorities, such as emotional well-being, the quality of your relationships, or creativity.

Recognizing this allows you to ease internal demands and reconnect with what is truly valuable.

Instead of building your life as a concrete structure that cannot be moved, it is more useful to imagine it as a house made of movable pieces, capable of rearranging itself when circumstances change.

This openness to transformation promotes resilience and allows you to move forward even in difficult contexts.

Let go of perfection to make room for growth

Letting go of the idea that life must be perfect is liberating. It allows you to release emotions that cause stagnation, such as guilt, anger, or permanent frustration.

Accepting imperfection is not resignation, but rather opening the door to new forms of fulfillment and growth that are more in line with who you are and what you need at each stage of your life.