Change of Perspective

Identity linked to the vision of the other

There is an indissoluble connection between who we are at any given moment and how we see the person in front of us.

Our identity is not static; it flows and changes depending on the lens through which we look at the other.

If I choose to see my partner as an "enemy" or a "hindrance," I inevitably become defensive, bitter and victimized.

If, on the other hand, I choose to see her as a human being struggling with her own burdens, I become compassionate and generous.

The two cannot be separated: "I am the way I see the other". This principle suggests that relationship transformation does not begin with trying to change a spouse's behavior, but by changing our own heart and outlook.

If I am stuck in a negative view, I will interpret even neutral gestures as offenses.

For example, if I see my partner as "selfish," his or her need for rest I will interpret as malicious laziness.

If I shift my lens to one of "ally," I will see that same need as a human sign of exhaustion that deserves support.

This internal shift in perception is what unlocks situations that seemed like dead ends, as it changes the root of our emotional reactions.

The conscious choice of life over poison.

We often hold on to our grievances and negative judgments because we feel they are "fair" or protect us. We believe that holding onto anger is a way of punishing the other for their faults.

However, holding on to a victim and grudge perspective is tantamount to drinking poison waiting for the other person to die.

There are powerful stories of people who, in the face of serious betrayals or deep disappointments, consciously decided to let go of bitterness, not to release the other from responsibility, but to free themselves from a life of resentment.

This change of perspective is a radical decision in favor of one's own life and mental health.

It involves saying, "I refuse to have my life defined by what was done to me; I choose to define myself by how I respond."

By giving up the validation that comes from being the "wronged victim" and seeking inner peace instead, the cycle of toxicity is broken.

When we stop feeding the fire of indignation and begin to look for the humanity in the other (even if the relationship must end), we take back our power.

Cleansing our own gaze allows us to live free from the corrosive burden of hatred, opening space for new possibilities of joy and growth.

SUMMARY

Our identity and emotional state depend directly on how we perceive our partner; seeing ourselves as victims turns us into bitter beings, while looking with compassion ennobles us.

Transforming the relationship requires changing our internal lens, ceasing to interpret neutral actions as attacks and choosing to see the other's humanity and struggles rather than just their flaws.

Renouncing rancor and the victim stance is not a gift to the offender, but an act of self-preservation to avoid living poisoned by bitterness and to regain personal peace.