Core Values

The ethical compass and non-negotiables

Core values constitute a person's core operating system; they are the irreducible principles that define who we are and what we need to feel that our life has meaning and integrity.

Unlike tastes, which can change, values are usually stable and act as a compass in decision making.

In the context of relationships, knowing these values is a matter of emotional survival.

If we are not clear about what our "non-negotiables" are, we run the risk of engaging in bonds that violate our essence, which in the long run generates unbearable cognitive dissonance and perpetual conflict.

Consider the contrast between a person whose supreme value is "security and tradition" and another who prioritizes "adventure and constant novelty."

If they are unaware of these basal divergences, their conflicts over finances (saving vs. travel) or lifestyle will not be simple logistical disagreements, but clashes of identity.

Defining values involves asking what is sacred to you: Is it radical honesty, even if it hurts? Is it family loyalty above all else? Is it individual freedom? By crystallizing these concepts, we can assess whether a relationship has the potential to be harmonious or whether it will require a constant effort of translation and negotiation that could wear down the bond.

Alignment and coexistence of value systems.

Once one's values have been identified, the next step is alignment. This does not mean looking for a clone who shares 100% of our principles, but finding someone whose values are compatible and not antagonistic to our own.

The vast majority of family and couple dramas arise from an unspoken clash of values.

By bringing these principles out into the open, we transform unspoken assumptions into explicit conversations.

This allows us to build bridges in areas where there is common ground and respectfully manage areas where there is divergence.

It is vital to understand that leading with our values is the most powerful way to influence the relationship.

It is not a matter of imposing our ethics on the other, but of living in accordance with them in such a coherent way that we inspire respect.

If health is a core value for me, I don't force my partner to run, but I maintain my discipline and healthy lifestyle.

This personal integrity attracts people who resonate with that frequency or inspires the curr