Forgiveness

Acceptance of human fallibility

Forgiveness in a couple is not an act of holiness, but of realism. It starts from the humble recognition that we are both imperfect human beings, in the process of learning and prone to error. No one is infallible.

Holding oneself or the other to an impossible standard of perfection is a guarantee of suffering.

Understanding that our partner, like us, will sometimes act out of hurt, fear or unconsciousness, allows us to look at their faults with compassion rather than condemnatory judgment.

Forgiveness is the tool that allows us to "reset" the system. Without it, the relationship accumulates toxic waste that ends up blocking the flow of love.

Forgiveness does not mean justifying bad behavior or allowing abuse; it means giving up the right to punish the other eternally for a past mistake.

It means deciding that the future of the relationship is more important than the satisfaction of the wounded ego.

It is an act of personal liberation that releases the heavy burden of resentment in order to walk lighter.

The release of self-blame

Equally crucial, and often more difficult, is self-forgiveness. Many people carry corrosive guilt from past mistakes: times when they were selfish, were not present, or hurt those they loved.

Getting stuck in guilt and remorse serves no one; it doesn't change the past and paralyzes the present. Guilt is a lousy teacher if it becomes a permanent abode.

Acknowledging the mistake, taking responsibility and repairing the damage is necessary, but then we must let go.

True growth comes when we transform guilt into responsibility and behavioral change.

Instead of flagellating ourselves for who we were, we commit to being better today. "I can't change what I did, but I can make sure it won't happen again." This attitude restores dignity and allows the relationship to move forward.

By forgiving ourselves, we become more able to forgive our partner, creating an environment of grace where it is safe to make mistakes, repair them and contin