Honoring the Other

The transition from objectification to humanization

At the core of many relational dysfunctions lies a fundamental philosophical stance: do we see our partner as an object ("It") or as a person ("Thou")? Philosophers and thinkers have distinguished these two ways of "being" in the world.

When we operate from the "Object" mentality, we see the other solely in terms of how they affect us: they are an obstacle to my plans, a vehicle for my desires, or an irrelevance.

In this state, we dehumanize the partner; their feelings are not real to us, they only matter to the extent that they make us uncomfortable or please us.

We relate from suspicion, competition and self-protection. Honoring the other implies making the quantum leap to the "Person" or "You" mentality.

This means viscerally recognizing that the partner is as real and legitimate a center of experience as one's own.

Their fears, hopes, weariness and needs carry the same ontological weight as my own.

When we honor the other, we stop seeing them as an adversary in a zero-sum struggle and begin to see them as an equal.

This posture changes everything: patience increases, judgment decreases and collaboration becomes natural.

It is not just about being nice, but a profound restructuring of how we perceive the reality of our neighbor, recognizing that what unites us is stronger than what separates us.

The granting of fundamental rights

One practical way to exercise this honor is to mentally grant one's partner an inalienable "Bill of Rights." Often, in our attempt to mold the other, we violate their sovereignty.

Honoring means actively respecting their right to have thoughts, feelings and desires that differ from our own.

It means accepting that they have the right to be tired, have a bad day, change their mind or have different priorities, without it being a personal attack on us.

It means giving them the dignity of owning their own experience. This respect includes the right to choose their own path and to make their own mistakes.

By trying to control a partner's decisions "for their sake" (or for our comfort), we are treating them as a child or a subordinate, not as an equal. Honoring also implies the right to be imperfect.

Accepting that the other is a being in process, with weaknesses and flaws, is the highest form of respect.

By letting go of the demand for perfection and granting these rights of autonomy and humanity, we free the relationship from the pressure of control and create a space where love can breathe and expand freely.

SUMMARY

Honoring the partner requires ceasing to see him or her as an object that serves or hinders our purposes, to recognize him or her as a complete subject with an inner reality as valid as one's own.

This humanizing stance eliminates competition and suspicion, allowing for a connection based on equality and the recognition that the other's needs are legitimate.

Practicing this honor implies respecting the partner's autonomy, his or her rights to feel and choose differently, and accepting his or her human imperfection without trying to control or mold him or her to our convenience.