Independence and Union (The [I] and the [We])

The danger of fusion and loss of identity

In romantic culture, the notion of two people becoming "one," doing everything together and sharing every thought, is often idealized.

However, this total fusion is, in practice, the annihilation of individuality.

It is common to hear people in long-term relationships confess that they no longer know who they are, what they like or what they think, because they have been absorbed by the entity of the couple or the family.

They become satellites orbiting around the wants and needs of the other, losing their own gravity and essence.

This loss of the "I" inevitably weakens the "We," for a healthy relationship requires the interaction of two distinct entities, not the existence of a single undifferentiated amalgam.

The expectation that a partner must accompany us in every activity and share every hobby is a recipe for exhaustion and resentment. It is unrealistic and unfair to demand that the other fill all our spaces and roles.

When we force a constant "togetherness," we sacrifice the diversity and freshness that each can bring.

If one of the members stops cultivating his or her own interests to mimic the other, the relationship loses dynamism and becomes claustrophobic.

True connection is nurtured by the healthy distance that allows each to miss the other and to have new experiences to share upon reunion.

Cultivating one's own garden as a gift to the bond

To maintain vitality in the couple, it is imperative to remember that "you were you before you were us."

Maintaining and nurturing that individual identity is not an act of selfishness, but of relational preservation.

Spending time alone, cultivating friendships of one's own, pursuing individual hobbies and reconnecting with one's own inner compass is critical.

This allows each partner to return to the relationship refreshed, happier and with more to offer.

A person who honors himself or herself and takes care of his or her well-being is a better partner, parent and friend than someone who has become diluted in constant sacrifice.

In addition, diversifying sources of support and connection is a mental health strategy.

Creating a network of trusted people or support groups (a concept similar to having a personal "advisory council" or tribe) ensures that the partner does not have to carry the full weight of all of our emotional and social needs.

By spreading the load and allowing different people to fulfill different aspects of our lives (sports buddies, childhood friends, mentors), we free the romantic relationship from undue pressure, allowing it to breathe and flourish in a space of freedom and healthy interdependence.

SUMMARY

Total fusion in the couple, where individual identity is lost and everything is done together, is destructive, as it annuls the "I" necessary for a healthy "We" to exist.

It is essential to maintain spaces of autonomy, hobbies and solitary time to nurture one's own identity, which paradoxically strengthens the relationship by bringing freshness and well-being to the common bond.

Diversifying social connections and not depending exclusively on the partner to satisfy all needs frees the bond from excessive pressures, creating a sustainable and enriching dynamic of interdependence.