Maintaining Love

Fighting relational entropy

The laws of physics dictate that any closed system tends toward disorder and decay (entropy) if energy is not constantly injected into it. Relationships are no exception.

There is a mistaken belief that love, once found, stands alone. The reality is that love is a fire that needs daily fuel; if we stop feeding it, it goes out, not for lack of love, but for negligence.

Keeping love alive requires a conscious and continuous effort to counteract the inertia of routine and forgetfulness.

This maintenance is not necessarily achieved with grand annual gestures, but with the accumulation of small daily attentions: truly listening, expressing appreciation, touching with affection, laughing together and supporting each other's dreams. It's revisiting the "love maps," actualizing the connection and taking nothing for granted.

Just as we tend a garden by watering it and pulling weeds, we must care for the relationship by tending to its needs and resolving small conflicts before they become major crises. Consistency of care is the secret to longevity.

The daily choice of commitment

Mature love is a choice that is renewed every morning. There will be days when feelings of affection do not arise spontaneously, moments of weariness or irritation.

At those times, "keeping love" means acting with love despite not feeling it intensely.

It is deciding to be patient, kind and faithful to the vows (formal or informal) that were made.

It is remembering that commitment is not a chain, but a structure that sustains us when emotion fluctuates.

This discipline of choosing the other over and over again deepens the bond beyond what mere chemical infatuation allows.

It gives us the security of knowing that our relationship does not depend on the emotional climate of the moment, but on the unwavering will of two people to build a life together.

By deliberately investing energy in the relationship, we generate a positive feedb