Maps of Love

Mapping the inner world

The concept of "Love Maps" refers to the level of cognitive and emotional knowledge we have about our partner's life.

It is not about knowing basic facts such as their clothing size or favorite food, but about possessing a detailed and up-to-date understanding of their inner landscape.

People are constantly changing; what someone liked or feared five years ago may not be valid today.

Disconnected couples often operate with outdated maps, assuming they know the other when, in reality, they are living with an older version of their partner.

A detailed map includes knowing the current players in the couple's life: Who are their "enemies" or sources of stress at work today? What are their unfulfilled aspirations? What childhood scars have recently been reactivated? For example, rather than simply knowing that their partner likes music, a connected spouse knows what specific song makes them cry because it reminds them of a vital moment of loss.

This deep knowledge creates a sense of intimacy and security, as both feel that their inner reality is important and guarded by the other.

Curiosity as a tool for connection

To actualize these maps, it is necessary to keep curiosity alive. Often, we stop asking questions because we think we already know the answers. The main tool here is the "open-ended question."

Instead of yes or no questions, thought-provoking and narrative questions should be posed.

Questions such as "What is your greatest fear regarding our family's future?" or "What event this year has made you most proud?" open avenues of communication that go beyond the logistical.

This exercise in mutual exploration is particularly crucial during life transitions, such as the birth of a child, a move or a career change.

At these times, people's identities are reconfigured, and if the couple does not update their maps, they may wake up one day feeling like they are sleeping with a stranger.

Spending time regularly "interviewing" each other, not as a police interrogation but as a journalist interested in the other's story, strengthens the fabric of the relationship and provides the resources needed to navigate crise