Seasons of Life and Availability

Synchronization of the moment and the individual

We often become obsessed with finding the "right person," ignoring an equally critical variable: the "right time."

We may cross paths with someone who possesses all the desired qualities, but if we (or they) are going through an internal "season" of chaos, unresolved grief or immaturity, the relationship is doomed.

It is like trying to plant a perfect seed in soil frozen by winter; the quality of the seed is irrelevant if the environment is not conducive.

There are tragic scenarios where timing fails: meeting the ideal person when one is only looking for superficial fun, or being ready for commitment and running into someone who is focused exclusively on their career or healing past hurts.

Recognizing what season of life we are in is an act of brutal honesty necessary to not harm others or ourselves. You can't force a harvest in a planting season.

Integral availability

True availability goes beyond being legally single. It involves being mentally and emotionally vacant and ready.

It means having processed the "phantom relationships" of the past so that they do not take up space in the present.

If someone comes into a new relationship carrying a grudge from their ex-partner or a desperate need for validation, they are not available, they are occupied by their traumas.

Being available means having the inner space to accommodate another person's reality.

It implies having reached a level of self-management where one is not looking for a savior, but for an equal.

Only when two people meet at their respective "harvest stations," having done the prior work of inner cleansing and preparation, can they build something sustainable.

The magic happens when personal preparation intersects with the opportunity of the encounter.

SUMMARY

Relational success depends as much on compatibility with the person as on the timing of the vital moment, it being useless to try to force a bond if the internal circumstances are not conducive.

Many relationships fail not because of a lack of affinity, but because one of the individuals is going through a stage of immaturity, grief or focus on other areas that prevents real commitment.

True availability requires having healed the past and having free emotional space, thus allowing two ready people to meet and build from a solid, uncluttered foundation.