The Codependency Trap

The physics of shared collapse

To understand the fragility of relationships based on mutual need, we can visualize an architectural structure.

Imagine two columns that, instead of standing upright on their own foundations to support a common roof, decide to lean against each other forming a precarious triangle.

As long as both exert the same pressure and force, the structure remains standing, creating a false sense of stability. However, this configuration is inherently dangerous and exhausting.

If one of the columns weakens, moves or needs a moment's rest, the other will inevitably fall to the ground, causing the total collapse of the building.

This analogy perfectly illustrates the dynamics of codependency. It occurs when two individuals give up their emotional and physical autonomy to rely completely on each other.

At first, this may be interpreted romantically as a total merger, but the reality is that the weight of one's existence is being placed on the partner's shoulders. Over time, maintaining the weight of another adult human being becomes unsustainable.

Emotional muscles become fatigued, resentment arises from the constant burden and the paralyzing fear that if the other pulls away, our own identity will disintegrate.

It is not a union of two forces, but a dependency that drains the vitality of both.

The transition from need to preference

Relational health requires a restructuring of the foundation, moving from the paradigm of need ("I can't live without you") to the paradigm of preference ("I can live without you, but I choose not to").

When a person discovers that he or she has the inner strength to stand on his or her own two feet, the dynamic changes radically. He no longer looks to the other as a pillar of survival, but as a fellow traveler.

This emotional self-sufficiency does not imply coldness or distance, but the ability to stand on one's own two feet, eliminating the suffocating pressure on the partner to provide validation, security and purpose.

The goal is to reach a state where the relationship is an added value and not a lifeline.

If I am whole and you are whole, our union is not born out of lack, but out of abundance.

This eliminates the constant fear of loss and emotional manipulation that arises when one feels that one's life literally depends on the presence of the other.

By removing the "weight" we had placed on our partner, we allow them to breathe and be who they really are, instead of forcing them to be who we need them to be in order to soothe our insecurities.

True stability comes not from supporting each other so as not to fall, but from walking side by side, each responsible for their own balance.

SUMMARY

Codependency works like two structures leaning against each other; although it looks like union, it is an unsustainable posture where the movement of one inevitably causes the other to fall.

It is vital to transform the relationship by eliminating the burden of emotional survival that we place on the couple, understanding that no human being has the infinite capacity to sustain the life of another.

Bonding health is achieved when both individuals stand up for themselves, choosing to share their path out of genuine desire and enjoyment, not out of a desperate need for life support.