Vision of Self

Commitment to character evolution

Beyond defining what we want to have in a relationship, the more transcendent question is: who do we want to be? We often focus on finding the right person, forgetting that the main job is to become the right person.

Defining a "Vision of Self" involves creating a clear picture of the type of character we wish to embody, regardless of external circumstances.

Do we aspire to be patient, faithful, kind, strong and consistent? This vision acts as an internal standard that guides our behavior when emotions fluctuate. This commitment to self-evolution lifts us out of victimhood.

Instead of reacting to our partner's shortcomings ("as you yelled at me, I yell at you"), we act from our chosen identity ("I am a person who responds calmly, even in the face of provocation").

By defining ourselves by our values and not by our reflexes, we regain control.

Deciding to be a person of integrity, love and truth is a lifelong project that gives us dignity and peace of mind, knowing that we are acting in accordance with our highest ideal, regardless of whether we receive applause or not.

The independence of personal growth

It is crucial to understand that this commitment to be the best version of oneself is unilateral and independent.

We don't say, "I will be loving only if you are loving first." That is a transaction mentality, not an identity mentality.

We take responsibility for our own growth, maturity and excellence, even if our partner decides to stagnate. Our evolution cannot depend on the permission or participation of the other.

While we deeply desire to grow together, our integrity demands that we grow anyway. This approach paradoxically benefits the relationship.

By becoming stronger, happier and more complete people, we bring more value to the bond.

We stop demanding that the other fill our gaps and become sources of stability and love. In addition, example is the most powerful form of leadership.

By seeing our transformation, it is very likely that the partner will be inspired (not forced) to raise his or her own standards.

And if they don't, we will know that we have done everything in our power,