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The negotiation - educate responsible children
Negotiation, within intrafamily relationships with children, can be a very useful tool to ensure that they maintain appropriate behavior. Negotiating is a challenge that requires a lot of preparation, even when we are the authority figure. Children are rebellious by nature, they have a lot of energy and concerns that they want to express, they begin to oppose the authority figure and the greater the pressure exerted on them, the less results will be achieved when it comes to directing their behavior.
Learning to negotiate starts with the understanding that what we want will not always be done. For many parents this idea can be difficult to assimilate, because we believe that our children are an extension of our will, when the truth is that children are beings with their own concerns, interests and desires.
During the development of this guide, we will be addressing the issue of negotiation within the relationships we have with our children. In this way, you will be able to acquire more useful tools when it comes to educating and promoting good habits in children.
Negotiation is based on proposing alternatives, not going with a preconceived idea or an immovable proposal. Your children have their own criteria and opinions, these may be contrary to yours, that is why you should present alternatives that manage to suit the interests of both.
Instead of going with a specific proposal, first get to know what the child wants. Then offer alternatives, which include to a greater or lesser extent the interests expressed by the child. The more alternatives you are able to propose, the easier it will be for your child to accept some of them. Each alternative will serve to achieve the same goal you had proposed, only making certain concessions so that the actions are carried out in a better way and with less resistance.
Giving is one of the best ways we have to receive. When we please other people, we activate in them the feeling of reciprocity. Reciprocity is the feeling that we are indebted to the other person, so we will be more willing to give when they ask us to do something for them. If you get to know your child's interests and from time to time make an effort to satisfy them to some extent, they will be more open to being sympathetic to your wishes and will offer less resistance when you want them to perform a certain action.
Negotiating is knowing how to lose on the points that do not interest us in order to win later on those that are more important. If you want your child to study and he wants to play, do not forbid him to play. Instead, contribute to make his game more enjoyable on the condition that he devotes more time to study. In the end, the problem is not that the child plays, but that he also studies and devotes time to his responsibilities.
The key to a successful negotiation is to align the interests of both parties. If we are able to present proposals that consider everyone's interests, they are more likely to be accepted with greater willingness. There are always ways to satisfy and be satisfied, but to achieve this it is essential to understand the wishes of the other party.
Do not impose, imposition leads to rebellion, strive to assert your experience by using ingenuity and art to find solutions that are perceived from voluntariness and not as obligations to be followed. Teach your child that you cannot always achieve everything you want, that you have to give in so that the other person also feels comfortable with the things he/she does. If you are able to give in for him, he will also give in for you.
