Stress management as a pillar of assertive communication.

The Direct Connection between Assertiveness and Stress Management

The fundamental difference that characterizes assertive people is their remarkable ability to manage stress in high-stress communicative situations.

These stressful moments are common and can include anything from expressing a disagreement with a superior, to having a sensitive conversation with a partner, to standing up for an opinion that goes against the majority.

Learning to effectively manage stress in these circumstances is the direct path to acquiring an assertive communication style.

This skill allows us to listen without aggression, value ourselves, set clear boundaries and respect both our own rights and those of others, laying the foundation for a healthy and balanced interaction.

Visceral Responses to Conflict: Fight or Flight

Generally, when faced with a stressful situation, our body activates two visceral and almost automatic responses: flight or attack.

These instinctive reactions are directly related to the two least effective communication styles.

The flight tendency corresponds to the passive communication style, where we avoid conflict at all costs, sacrificing our own needs.

On the other hand, the tendency to attack or assault aligns with the aggressive communication style, where we try to impose our point of view without considering the feelings of the other.

It is crucial to understand that these are almost automatic responses, but not uncontrollable; we can learn to manage them in order to choose a more constructive form of communication.

The Strategic Pause: Deactivating the Automatic Reaction

To overcome these instinctive responses and adopt an assertive approach, the most powerful tool is the strategic pause.

Simply taking one to five seconds before reacting is enough to deactivate that visceral reaction to flee or attack.

In fact, the main challenge when communicating in conflict situations is learning to deactivate this impulse in order to give an assertive and thoughtful response.

This brief pause gives us the necessary space to express our wishes in a kind, honest, open, polite and direct way, always taking into account and respecting the person we are talking to.

It is about being clear about what we want to say and how we want to say it, while considering our interlocutor.

Towards Coherent and Secure Communication

Assertiveness is not an innate trait, but a skill that is practiced and perfected through small strategies to manage stress.

By learning to manage our reactions in times of stress, we not only improve our communication, but we also gain self-confidence and achieve greater coherence in the way we speak and act.

Therefore, it is essential that we ask ourselves how we usually manage stressful situations and what our automatic response is.

Being aware of this is the first step in developing an assertive communication style, which allows us to listen to others without becoming defensive and to express what we feel in a clear and respectful way.

Summary

The key difference of assertive people is their remarkable ability to manage stress in high-stress communicative situations. Learning to manage this stress is the direct path to acquiring an assertive style.

When faced with a stressful situation, our body activates two almost automatic responses: flight or attack. Flight corresponds to the passive style, while attack is aligned with the aggressive style.

To overcome these instinctive responses, the most powerful tool is the strategic pause. Taking one to five seconds before reacting is enough to deactivate that visceral reaction and give a thoughtful response.