Valuing Long-Term Outcomes

Acceptance of divergent affective outcomes.

At the conclusion of the active parenting stage, partners must be prepared to accept that the bonds built may not match their original ideal expectations.

In the case of children who have grown up in stepfamilies, closeness with the stepparent may vary significantly between siblings.

While with one there may be a deep artistic or intellectual affinity, with another the bond may be more distant but respectful.

Coming to terms with these divergent outcomes with maturity, without forcing an artificial closeness, is the final step in a process of honest and selfless accompaniment.

Discovering the residual impact of the teachings

Often, adults who have been involved in raising children who are not their biological children go through periods of doubt about the relevance of their influence.

However, the real impact often manifests itself long after the children leave home.

By observing the adult offspring, it is possible to detect directions, values or life philosophies that were sown years ago during daily life together.

The fact that certain teachings remained in the psyche of the young person, even when he or she did not seem to listen, gives a sense of transcendence to all the effort invested in the family project.

Continuous review of the approach adopted

Co-parenting is not a static task with a definite end, but a dynamic process that requires constant review and adaptation.

Children's needs mutate radically at each evolutionary stage and what worked in childhood may be useless or counterproductive in maturity.

Maintaining fluid communication between adults to question whether current methods are still useful is the key to healthy bonding.

This flexibility to negotiate and adjust course perpetually ensures that the family continues to function as a mutually supportive haven through