Maintaining Self-Respect: FAST

Fairness and personal integrity

The FAST skill focuses on protecting one's self-esteem and values during interactions, avoiding the feeling of having "sold out" or betrayed oneself to please others.

F (Fair/Fair) involves seeking a balance: being fair to others, but also being fair to oneself.

Often, people who are complacent are very fair to others but unfair to themselves, giving in too much. Being fair requires validating one's own feelings and desires as much as those of others.

S (Stick to values) means not compromising one's own ethics or personal integrity to gain someone's approval or avoid conflict.

If an action goes against core beliefs (such as lying for a boss or engaging in harmful gossip), self-respect requires standing firm in refusal.

The Excessive Apology Trap

The A (Apologies/Sin disculpas/Sin disculpas) addresses the destructive habit of apologizing for existing, having an opinion or taking up space.

Apologizing when you have not made a mistake conveys insecurity and diminishes personal authority in the eyes of others and yourself.

Do not apologize for making a legitimate request ("Excuse me, would you mind...?") or for disagreeing.

Apologies are reserved exclusively for when a value has been transgressed or someone has been effectively harmed. Eliminating "filler apologies" strengthens the position and communicates dignity.

Truthfulness as a basis for self-confidence

T (Truthful/Veraz) involves not lying, not acting powerless when one is not powerless, and not exaggerating or making excuses.

Lying erodes self-respect because it creates a gap between who you are and what you present to the world.

Being truthful includes being honest about one's limits and capabilities, without pretending to be stronger or weaker than one is.

Facing situations honestly, even when it is uncomfortable, builds a solid sense of character and avoids the accumulation of guilt and shame that comes from inauthenticity.

Summary

The FAST skill protects personal integrity by being Fair to oneself and others. It involves Sticking to one's values and ethics, without compromising them by seeking approval or avoiding conflict.

It is necessary to eliminate excessive Apologies for having opinions or making legitimate requests. Apologizing without having made mistakes conveys insecurity and diminishes personal authority in the eyes of others.

Being truthful and honest about one's limits builds confidence and solid character. Facing situations without lies or exaggerations avoids guilt and shame stemming from inauthenticity .