Authoritarian families

Hardly anyone is able to find a common element between an obedient and docile child and the typical bad boy, rebellious and defiant, but experts are clear: both modes of behavior come from the same parenting model, the authoritarian one, in which parents exercise total control over their children and demand absolute obedience, provoking in them extreme reactions: submission or rebellion.

Both behaviors are clear evidence of the discomfort they experience and run the risk of developing damaged personalities, lacking the necessary balance to courageously take on life's challenges.

Total control parenting

The authoritarian parenting model prioritizes the stability of the family structure from the guidance of the father, who as the head of the family makes all the decisions that govern the lives of all its members. This model of authority follows an immovable order of hierarchy, following in second place in terms of authority the maternal figure, and then follows the eldest child, if the family has more than one child, being this older sibling the one who takes care and controls the younger ones, who must comply with clear and strict limits.

Educating from authority

In this type of upbringing, children grow up knowing that failure to comply with the established rules entails punishment and sometimes even physical abuse. Children of authoritarian parents know very well what their parents expect from them and in this home regime, where discipline and obedience are inviolable principles, the children's opinion is not taken into account. These parents have as a priority the order and education of their children and guarantee it by creating very stable life routines.

In this parenting model, parents often prefer to exercise authority to hide their fears of failing in their efforts to form good people. So it is easier for them to impose a set of behavioral patterns that serve as a guide to avoid mistakes that would lead to failure in the management of educating their offspring.

On the other hand, some reproduce the models of upbringing that their own parents used with them, considering that, if it worked with them, it should also work with their children, obviating the undeniable fact that each human being is unique and, therefore, when reproducing models that are valuable to them, it should be done from an intelligent point of view that respects the personality of each one, without underestimating the capacity that everyone has to make decisions about what they like or dislike, and the healthiest thing for them is for parents to play a guiding and accompanying role, avoiding overprotective attitudes that hide behind such authority.

Effect on children

Because this model of upbringing is so rigid and non-compliance with the established rules is punished, children in these families are easily upset and do not show the joy that should characterize an emotionally healthy child, being very fearful and insecure. The poor communication between parents and children and the severe and inflexible environment of these homes alienates family members who do not have the necessary exchange to grow as individuals and improve each other.

Another consequence of such a rigid model of life in these homes is that children grow up without any margin for improvisation or discovery, which turns them into adults who are not creative enough to solve the unexpected events of daily life and with very little capacity for self-management. Since they have not been trained in the communication skills that should be learned in a trusting and affectionate home environment, they have difficulties in establishing interpersonal and affective relationships.

It is important to point out that, although the objective of these authoritarian parents is to form good people, by being so inflexible and demanding they create insecure individuals who do not adapt to new environments because they grow up under guidelines designed by their elders, without having the right to give their opinion.

This also ends up affecting their behavior, because, although in the presence of parents they are docile and disciplined, in their absence they adopt uncontrolled behaviors that can end up in disorderly actions, developing harmful habits and resulting, in short, unsatisfied and unhappy people, with low self-esteem, and an emotional development damaged by the lack of affection and communication when growing up among parents who loved them, but feared to show affection, ignoring the powerful and ancient truth that love can do anything, love never fails.