Absent families

In almost every country in the world, people are appreciating the fact that the number of families with the physical presence of both parents is decreasing, and it is even more alarming that experts assure that this family model will become less and less frequent.

Therefore, it is necessary to assume that there is a lot of work to be done in terms of raising awareness in terms of responsible parenthood. Otherwise, the number of children who will be growing up without adequate emotional support will bring negative results not only to them, but to society in general.

A question of responsibility

Some people assume that in raising children, the material aspect is more important than the emotional aspect. For this reason, when for different reasons parents leave the care of their children to grandparents, which is quite common, or to aunts, uncles or nannies, even if the child is well cared for by these people, he or she will always grow up with the emptiness of the irreplaceable love of his or her biological parents, who are called absent parents by scholars of the subject.

Many times, these absentee fathers and mothers are really forced by insurmountable circumstances that keep them away from their children. But there are many fathers who, once the sentimental relationship is over, also distance themselves from their child. Only those with the sensitivity, maturity and love make the necessary adjustments in their life routine to provide the valuable face-to-face support that gives them timely guidance, affection and values for their lives.

Ways of being absent

There is a type of father who, when the relationship with his child's mother ends, disappears forever from the child's life and the elementary duties of support are also ignored. He does not want to see or know that he exists, it can be said that he totally renounces his paternity.

There are other absent fathers who do wish to exercise their paternity, but are separated from the children because of the mother, who, sometimes acting unconsciously, or imitating the actions of other mothers, does not give the necessary value to the paternal figure, adopting selfish positions that only bring harm to the future development of the children.

The unknown or missing absent father can be seen in cases of adolescent pregnancy, when the youngster, upon learning the news of the pregnancy, reacts out of fear or irresponsibility, totally disengaging. As an adult, he or she wishes to know his or her son or daughter and give him or her affection.

There are also involuntary absent fathers, who can be identified in two groups:

• Parents who are physically present, but who have an immature behavior that does not allow them to play their role as parents, guiding and educating their children. They are associated with the Peter Pan syndrome, the adult who never grows up, always acting as a child.

• Fathers and mothers who, due to their professions, are away from home for long working days or even seasons, in order to meet the needs of the family. This type of parent can be seen with relative frequency in some countries where the economic precariousness of the family drives them to accept work opportunities in distant places in order to provide a better quality of life for their children.

The psychological cost

Those who had the privilege of growing up with their parents will never be able to calculate the profound pain caused by their children's absence while they are growing up. The feeling of helplessness and lack of proper guidance is only a small part of the price to pay. Growing up with this experience makes it difficult for future adults to adapt to society, generates low self-esteem and difficulty in identifying with authority figures.

The psychological cost is also expressed in impulsive attitudes, anxiety, stress and aggressive behavior. Not knowing how to handle sadness about the absent parent can lead to depressive states and antisocial behaviors. No material good can compare with the benefit of growing up with biological parents, whose loving care provides a solid foundation for a full and happy adult life.