Loss of trust

While it is important that we teach our children the importance of learning to trust other people and to trust in their own abilities, we must not ignore the consequences of losing someone's trust.

To encourage responsibility for our actions is also to be aware that trust can be lost very easily. The loss of trust is a natural reaction to an action we do or fail to do. Forgiveness and trust are not the same thing and this is something we must make clear to our children.

During the development of this guide, we will be deepening in the subject of the loss of trust, how this influences our relationships with other people and how we can transmit this knowledge so that it can be useful in the formation and personal development of our children.

Forgiveness and trust

As we said before, forgiving and trusting are not the same thing. Forgiveness is accepting the harm done to others and being able to deal with it without holding grudges. When trust is lost, it cannot be mended by forgiveness, because forgiving will not restore the certainty that the other person will commit to future actions even when he or she has not been able to keep his or her commitment at other times.

Our children must understand that life is about being consistent with our actions, that there will also be reactions to the actions we take, and these reactions must be faced with maturity. You must forgive your child and accept that mistakes are part of being human, but you also have the duty to instill in them the value of responsibility and the importance of assuming consequences. Thinking that just because they are their parents means that nothing will happen if they fail to fulfill their commitments will lead them to believe that they will be able to do the same with their friends, partners and other family members in the future.

The rules will always be the same and should be taught from home, because this is about their personal formation for their future social interactions. Being honest in our dealings is the best way for our child to learn these valuable life lessons at a low cost.

Trust is earned, not given away

The fact that your child is the one who has defrauded your trust is not a condition for giving it away. Things that are given away are not valued in the same way as when they are earned by your own effort. When your child breaks his commitments he should pay the consequences for it, let him know from early on that his actions will always have consequences, overprotecting them in these cases is an attempt against their own education.

If you do not trust your child, let him know why, he must be aware that his past actions do not make him worthy of your trust and that if he wants to regain it he must work hard for it, through his actions and not with his words. Once he understands that trust is earned, not given away, he will be more careful with his commitments and will put more effort into his actions so as not to disappoint those who have placed their trust in him.

If you are the one who lets his lack of responsibility pass him by, he will grow up believing that he can relate that way, being a person who fails to fulfill his commitments and who does not assume the consequences of his actions. As hard as it may seem, making him feel the consequences of his actions from an early age will make him a more integrated person who values more those who believe in him.