Negotiation

Negotiation, within intrafamily relationships with children, can be a very useful tool to ensure that they maintain appropriate behavior.

Negotiating is a challenge that requires a lot of preparation, even when we are the authority figure. Children are rebellious by nature, they have a lot of energy and concerns that they want to express, and they begin to oppose the authority figure. The greater the pressure exerted on them, the less results will be achieved when it comes to directing their behavior.

Learning to negotiate involves understanding that what we want will not always be done. For many parents, this idea can be difficult to assimilate, because we believe that our children are an extension of our will, when in reality they are beings with their own concerns, interests and desires.

In the development of this guide, we will address the issue of negotiation in the relationships we have with our children. In this way, you will be able to acquire more useful tools to educate and encourage good habits in children.

Proposing alternatives

Negotiation is based on proposing alternatives; it is not about going in with a preconceived idea or an immovable proposal. Your children have their own criteria and opinions, which may be contrary to yours. For this reason, you should present alternatives that suit the interests of both of you.

Instead of going with a specific proposal, first try to find out what your child wants. Then, offer alternatives that include to a greater or lesser extent the interests expressed by the child. The more alternatives you are able to propose, the easier it will be for your child to accept some of them. Each alternative will serve to achieve the same goal you had proposed, only making certain concessions so that the actions are carried out in a better way and with less resistance.

Give to receive

Giving is one of the best ways we have to receive. When we please other people, we activate in them the feeling of reciprocity. This is the feeling that we are indebted to the other person, which makes us more likely to give when they ask us to do something for them. If you get to know your child's interests and, from time to time, make an effort to satisfy them to some extent, they will be more open to being sympathetic to your wishes and will offer less resistance when you want them to perform a certain action.

Negotiating is knowing how to lose on the points that do not interest us in order to win later on those that are more important. If you want your child to study and he wants to play, do not forbid him to play. Instead, contribute to make his game more enjoyable on the condition that he devotes more time to study. In the end, the problem is not that the child plays, but that he also studies and devotes time to his responsibilities.

Aligning interests

Aligning interests is at the heart of any effective negotiation. If we are able to offer proposals that include the interests of both parties, they are more likely to be more willingly accepted. There are always ways to please and be pleased, but to do so we must be aware of the other party's desires.

Do not impose; imposition calls for rebellion. Strive to assert your expertise by using ingenuity and art to find solutions that are perceived as voluntary and not as obligations. Teach your child that you can't always achieve everything you want, and that you have to give in so that the other person also feels comfortable with the things he or she does. If you are able to give in for him, he will give in for you.