Reassessing expectations

To what extent do expectations influence our children's behavior? In this chapter, we will explore the different ways in which expectations are generated.

It is important to be flexible and know how to distinguish between the real and the imaginary. Let's avoid having our children experience advanced levels of stress and anxiety by not living up to our expectations.

Expectations.

Expectations:

• Are those desires we have for the future in relation to a particular person, event or situation.

• They can be objective or subjective.

• It is important to adjust them to the personal characteristics and individual needs of each child.

Types.

Expectations can be classified into different types, each of which contributes to our objective analysis of whether or not we can materialize them. These types of expectations are:

• Predictive expectations.

• Normative expectations.

• Deserved expectations.

Predictive expectations.

Predictive expectations are responsible for:

• Imagining what will happen in the future.

• Visualizing everything from gestures to the emotional response that will happen.

• Expecting something to happen, taking into account past experiences and intuitions.

• Predispose ourselves in a negative or positive way towards some situation.

Deserved expectations.

The expectations we have toward others are influenced by what we believe we deserve. For example, as parents, we may believe that we deserve respect, cooperation, and communication from our children.

However, sometimes we focus only on this idea and leave no room for dialogue. We don't show interest in our children and don't make the effort to communicate effectively. To be worthy of their attention it is important to dedicate time to them.

Normative expectations.

Normative expectations are based on ideas or beliefs that have been normalized in society. When someone deviates from these expectations, he or she may be labeled negatively.

For example, if a driver fails to respect a green traffic light, he or she may be considered irresponsible by other drivers and pedestrians. Similarly, a normative expectation is that a child will be obedient, understand, respect, and value our parental status.

Formed expectations.

The Pygmalion effect describes how our expectations can affect the behavior of those we consider important.

If a parent tells his or her child that he or she is very smart, even though there is no real evidence of it, the child may unconsciously striv