The Big Misunderstanding: Why We Think We Know How to Communicate

The False Sense of Competence: Communication as Habit vs. Skill

We start from a fundamentally mistaken belief: that we all know how to communicate.

This idea arises because communication is a habit that we practice constantly from birth.

However, we mistake this daily practice for a genuinely developed skill.

The fact that we talk and listen every day creates a false sense of competence, leading us to underestimate the true nature of the process.

The reality is that effective communication is a complex and nuanced discipline, far from being an innate ability.

Assuming that we are experts just because we do it is often the source of countless failures of understanding in our personal and professional interactions.

The source of the confusion: we are taught to transmit, not to connect.

This misperception is not entirely our fault, but the direct result of how we are taught to communicate.

From childhood, our training focuses almost exclusively on the mechanics of transmission: we are instructed on how to express what we think, feel and want.

We grow up with the idea that if we manage to externalize our thoughts clearly, we have fulfilled our part of the communicative process.

The problem is that this approach omits the most crucial component of communication: connection.

We are taught to be efficient senders, but rarely are we instructed in the art of building mutual understanding, verifying message reception or creating common ground with our interlocutor.

The hidden complexity: beyond simply "saying what you think."

The belief that communicating is just "saying what you think" completely ignores the enormous complexity behind every human exchange.

True communication involves decoding not only words, but also tones of voice, gestures, postures and a myriad of non-verbal signals.

In addition, each individual interprets the message through the filter of his or her own experiences, moods, prejudices and particular reality.

Therefore, the simple act of conveying a thought is just the tip of the iceberg.

The real skill lies in navigating this complexity, in anticipating possible interpretations and in actively working to ensure that the meaning that is constructed in the mind of the receiver is as close as possible to what was intended to be sent.

The first step: Communication as a complex process and not as something innate.

The myth that communication is a natural and universal skill is perhaps the biggest obstacle to improving it.

To become truly effective communicators, the first and unavoidable step is to abandon this idea.

We must recognize and accept that communication is not an innate gift, but a skill that, like any other, requires study, awareness and deliberate practice.

By understanding it as the complex process that it really is, we stop blaming the "receiver" for not understanding.

Instead, we begin to take responsibility for our own clarity, empathy and ability to connect, thus laying the foundation for real and meaningful development of our communication skills.

Summary

We mistakenly believe that we know how to communicate because we do it every day. We mistake this constant habit for a developed skill, generating a false sense of competence that prevents us from seeing the true complexity of the communicative process.

Our training from childhood focuses almost exclusively on the transmission of ideas, teaching us to express what we think and feel. This approach omits the most crucial component: connecting and building mutual understanding.

Effective communication is a very complex discipline, not an innate ability. To improve it, we must abandon this idea and accept that it requires deliberate practice, taking responsibility for our own clarity, empathy and connection.