Discovering your dominant emotional needs

The Unconscious Pattern That Rules Your Life

Although we all share the six emotional needs, each of us, usually unconsciously, prioritizes two of them over the others.

These two dominant needs act as the main driver of our decisions, behaviors, and desires.

They are the lens through which we interpret the world and define what we seek in our relationships, our career, and our lives in general.

For example, a person whose dominant needs are Security and Significance will make very different decisions than someone whose dominant needs are Variety and Love.

Becoming aware of our current pattern is a fundamental step in self-knowledge, as it reveals the invisible forces that have been directing our lives.

The Paired Comparison Exercise. Bringing the Hidden to Light

To discover your top two needs, we can use a practical and revealing exercise known as the paired comparison.

The process is simple: First, write your six needs in a list (Security, Variety, Significance, Love/Connection, Growth, Contribution).

Next, begin comparing them two at a time.

Take the top two (Security vs. Variety) and honestly ask yourself, "At this point in my life, which of these two is most important to me?"

There is no right or wrong answer, just your personal truth. Circle the one you choose.

Then, continue comparing the first need (Security) with all the others on the list (Security vs. Importance, Security vs. Love, etc.).

Once you've finished with the first, move on to the second (Variety) and compare it with all the needs below it.

Continue this process until you've compared all possible combinations.

From Awareness to Conscious Choice

At the end of the exercise, count how many times you circled each need.

The two with the highest scores are, in all likelihood, your current dominant needs.

This result may come as a surprise or a confirmation, but in either case, it is immensely valuable information.

It allows you to understand why you have made certain choices in the past and why certain aspects of your life are more or less satisfying to you.

The true power of this exercise, without However, you are not alone in the diagnosis.

By making conscious what was previously unconscious, you gain the freedom to choose.

You can decide if you want to continue operating from those dominant needs or if you prefer to deliberately begin to focus more of your energy on others, such as Growth and Contribution, to create a life more aligned with your ideal of fulfillment.