Healthy self-esteem vs. narcissistic self-esteem

Self-esteem, the valuation we place on ourselves, is a crucial component of our self-concept and well-being.

However, it is vitally important to understand that not all high self-esteem is inherently positive or healthy.

We must demystify the idea that a high self-assessment is always the goal, since, at times, it can mask deeper psychological problems and have destructive consequences for both the individual and their environment.

High self-esteem can be harmful when it is based on egocentric, arrogant tendencies and the need to feel superior to others.

This type of self-esteem is known as narcissistic or destructive.

Its main characteristic is that it is based on valuing exclusively those abilities and talents that fuel a feeling of power and dominance over others.

A person with narcissistic self-esteem needs constant comparison to feel valid, and their apparent security depends directly on devaluing or feeling above others. others.

It is, in essence, a fragile, competitive and insatiable self-esteem. In stark contrast, healthy or constructive self-esteem is built on very different foundations.

It is not based on social comparison or superiority, but on an unconditional and genuine acceptance of oneself.

A person with healthy self-esteem is able to recognize and value their strengths without exaggerating or using them as a weapon.

And, equally importantly, they can accept their weaknesses and limitations without this diminishing their sense of personal worth.

Their worth does not depend on being better than others, but rather comes from a stable, internal source of self-esteem, self-respect, and self-compassion.

Our goal in personal development should therefore be to foster this type of constructive self-esteem.

We should strive for a self-esteem that transcends external achievements, success, or the approval of others.

It is crucial to cultivate the belief that our value as people is inherent and unconditional.

This view It frees us from the tyranny of comparison and competition, and allows us to establish relationships with others from a place of equality, respect, and authenticity.

Emotional Styles: Which One Do You Identify With?

People develop different ways of relating to their own emotions.

These patterns or "emotional styles" influence how we experience and manage our emotional lives. Psychologists Peter Salovey (one of the pioneers of the concept of EI) and John D.

Mayer,along with others such as Lane and Schwartz, proposed a classification that can help us identify and understand ourselves better.

This model describes three main styles.

The first style is the ''emotional self-aware''

People who identify with this style are fully aware of their moods while they are experiencing them.

They know what they feel and often also understand why they feel it.

They are characterized by being autonomous, self-confident individuals with good psychological health.

They usually have a positive outlook on life and, more importantly, are able to effectively overcome negative emotional states.

They know how to manage sadness, anger or anxiety without letting these emotions overwhelm them or control their behavior.

The second style is the ''emotional uncontrolled'' or ''trapped''

This style characterizes people who frequently feel overwhelmed by their emotions.

They feel like slaves to their moods, which tend to be very volatile and intense.

They have little awareness of their own feelings and, consequently, feel they cannot control their emotional life.

They do not adequately confront their negative states and often feel adrift, carried away by the storm of their emotions without a clear direction.

Finally, we have the ''resigned'' or ''accepting'' style.

These people are characterized by a passive and, often, resigned acceptance of their mood.

They clearly perceive what they feel, but they do not make any attempt to change it, even if it is negative.

They are prone to depressive moods and present an attitude of emotional neglect.

They do not necessarily feel overwhelmed like those of the previous style, but neither do they mobilize to improve their state, they simply ''let themselves be''.

It is crucial to remember that These classifications are not rigid or definitive categories.

The same person may display traits of different styles at different times or in different areas of their life.

However, reflecting on which of these we identify with most predominantly can be a very revealing exercise in self-awareness and an excellent starting point for our emotional development work.

Summary

High self-esteem is not always positive. When it is based on superiority and comparison, it can become narcissistic and harmful. True personal value comes from internal acceptance.

Healthy self-esteem allows us to recognize strengths and accept weaknesses without relying on external approval. It fosters authentic relationships, self-respect, and growth beyond success or recognition.

Emotional styles determine how we manage our emotions. Some people are mindful and balanced, while others feel overwhelmed or resigned. Identifying our style promotes self-understanding and emotional development.