The xyz effective communication model

The structure: ''When you do X, I feel Y, and I would like Z''

To achieve more inspiring conversations, there are practical models. One of the most effective is the XYZ model, designed by psychologist Haim Ginott.

Its objective is to allow us to communicate complaints or needs in a non-harmful way. The structure is: ''When you do X, I feel Y, and I would like you to do Z''.

The objective: to communicate complaints or demands in a non-harmful way

The ''X'' refers to a specific, observable behavior. We don't say ''when you are inconsiderate'', but rather ''when you arrive late without warning''.

The ''Y'' refers to how we feel as a result of that behavior: ''I feel unimportant''.

Practical example: the case of arriving late

Finally, the ''Z'' refers to a specific request or suggestion: ''I would like you to let me know with a text if you are going to be late.'' It is a clear solution proposal.

Tip: write the structure in your emotional diary to mechanize it

This model forces us to focus on facts and feelings, and pushes us to propose solutions.

A good tip is to practice this structure by writing it down before a difficult conversation so that it comes out more naturally.

Summary

The XYZ model is a useful tool for expressing complaints without hurting. It consists of saying: ''When you do X, I feel Y, and I would like Z'', facilitating clear and respectful communication.

This approach is based on describing concrete facts (X), expressing personal feelings (Y) and proposing a solution (Z). This avoids judgment and promotes mutual understanding in relationships.

Practicing this model in writing, such as in an emotional diary, helps to internalize it. This allows it to emerge naturally in real conversations, especially in difficult moments.