What to do when you disagree?

In a couple's relationship, it is common that at certain times they do not agree on a situation or decision that needs to be taken. In this context, we will address the issue of how to manage these circumstances effectively so as not to harm the relationship and reach a solution that is satisfactory for both.

It is essential to recognize that it is common for differences and disagreements to exist in a relationship, since each individual has his or her own way of perceiving and reflecting on situations. However, what is crucial is how these disagreements are managed to prevent more serious conflicts.

Types of conflicts between couples: Before addressing how to handle these situations, it is important to mention that there are two types of conflicts: solvable and non-solvable. Solvable conflicts are those that can be solved by talking and reaching an agreement. On the other hand, the non-solvable ones are those that do not have a solution, since they are differences in personality or way of seeing life that cannot be changed.

Steps to handle disagreements between couples: To handle disagreements in the couple effectively, the following steps should be followed:

• Active and empathic listening: It is important to listen to the other person's opinion without interrupting and trying to understand his or her point of view. For this, it is necessary to put emotions aside and pay attention to what the other person is saying. It is important to validate their feelings and acknowledge that you understand their position.

• Clearly expressing your opinion: Once you have heard the other person's opinion, it is important to express your opinion clearly and objectively. It is essential not to be disrespectful or aggressive in expressing your opinion. It is important to focus on facts and not emotions.

• Search for solutions: Once both parties have expressed their opinion, it is important to look for solutions that are satisfactory to both parties. At this point, all possible options should be considered and the best solution for both parties should be evaluated.

• Compromise and negotiation: When a solution is reached, it is important to make a commitment to carry it out. At this point, agreements and compromises can be made to make the solution effective. It is important to keep in mind that the commitment must be from both parties and not only from one.

• Learning and growth: Each disagreement in the couple is an opportunity to learn and grow. It is important to analyze what has been learned in each situation and apply it in the future.

It is important to keep in mind that these steps should be followed in order and not skipped, as each step is essential to reach an effective solution.

In some situations, it may be difficult to reach a solution, especially if the disagreement is very large. In these cases, it may be useful to go to a mediator or couple's therapist to help them in the conflict.

Avoid attacking the other person: When in disagreement, it is common to attack the other person. This can happen for different reasons, such as frustration, helplessness, anger or even fear. However, it is important to remember that the goal of a disagreement or debate is not to win or defeat the other person, but to reach a common understanding and respect the opinions of others.

When you feel the need to attack someone during a discussion, it is important to pause, take a deep breath and try to understand why you are reacting that way. It is also important to remember that attacking someone is not going to solve the problem, but may actually make the situation worse and make the other person feel more defensive. Instead, it is better to try to maintain respectful communication and look for common ground that will move the discussion forward.