How to manage anger?

Anger is a basic emotion that we all experience at some point in our lives, and in a couple's relationship it is no different. However, the way we manage anger can make the difference between a constructive discussion and a destructive fight. In this point, we will address how to manage anger in a couple's relationship, understanding its origin, its effects and offering effective techniques and strategies for its management.

Origin of anger in a couple's relationship: Anger in a couple's relationship can arise for various reasons, some of the most common being lack of communication, mistrust, lack of respect, jealousy, envy, failure to meet expectations, infidelity, lack of intimacy, among others. Often, these situations can generate an emotional charge that, if not properly managed, can lead to expressions of anger that can be harmful to the relationship.

It is important to keep in mind that anger, in itself, is not a problem. In fact, it is a natural and healthy emotion that can allow us to express our needs and limits. However, it is how we express it that makes the difference. When anger is expressed inappropriately, it can create a downward spiral of negativity in the relationship, which can lead to the erosion of trust and intimacy.

Effects of anger on the relationship: Inappropriate expression of anger can have very negative effects on the relationship. It can lead to escalation of the situation, generating an attack-defense dynamic that does not allow for constructive dialogue. This can generate a lack of respect, which can in turn erode trust and intimacy. In the worst case, inappropriate expression of anger can lead to situations of physical or psychological violence.

On the other hand, repression of anger can also have negative effects on the relationship. The repression of anger can lead to the accumulation of tensions and resentment, which can generate a dynamic of miscommunication and conflict avoidance. This can also erode trust and intimacy.

In summary, both inappropriate expression and repression of anger can have negative effects on the couple's relationship, making it necessary to learn how to manage it effectively.

Techniques for managing anger in the couple relationship: Here are some techniques for managing anger in the couple relationship:

• Identify the emotion: The first step in managing anger is to recognize that we are experiencing it. Often, anger is accompanied by physical sensations, such as muscle tension, increased heart rate, sweating, among others. If we learn to identify these sensations, we can recognize the emotion and begin to manage it.

• Take a pause: When we are angry, it is easy to get carried away and act impulsively, which can lead to inappropriate expressions of anger. Taking a break can be an effective technique to avoid this situation. We can leave the room, take a walk, or simply count to ten before responding to the situation that has made us angry. Taking a pause allows us to calm down and think more clearly before acting.

• Communicate effectively: Once we have taken a pause and calmed down, it is important to communicate effectively about what has made us angry. It is important to do this in a respectful way, without attacking the other person. We can express our needs and limits clearly and assertively, without generating an attack-defense dynamic.

• Seek solutions: Once we have expressed our needs and limits, it is important to seek solutions together. This involves listening to the needs and limits of the other person and seeking an agreement that satisfies both. If both are willing to collaborate, it is easier to find solutions to resolve the situation.

• Learning from experience: Anger can be an opportunity to learn from experience and improve the couple's relationship. If we can reflect on what made us angry and how we handled it, we can learn from the situation and improve our communication and our ability to manage anger in the future.