Feedback in communication skills

We are always communicating whether we want to or not, with our words and intentions to verbalize, and others in which with a single gesture or facial microexpression our desires or aspirations are revealed. In this video we will deal with feedback within the communication skills, an element of primordial order for the conformation of a constructive message. We will expose how to give and receive feedback in an appropriate way avoiding criticism or negative feedback. Also what to do and what not to do to make the most of the communicative situation with friends, family, colleagues or even boss, in our daily conversations.

Components of communication.

In a communication there is always the SENDER: the one in charge of transmitting the information; the MESSAGE: the information given, the RECEIVER, the one who, as its name indicates, receives the information, the CODE: the language and the CHANNEL: the physical medium.

In the following example, the channel would be the social networks, through which Elena's message arrived telling us: "I'm cold".

What do we interpret? That she feels the outside temperature is low. What could we do? Send another message: "Don't you have anything to keep warm? and once the message is well received, both parties can respond again. But is the receiver's role just to receive the message and act passively?

What do we call feedback?

Not in a useful conversation. The receiver FEEDBACK what he receives, that is, he communicates the response or his opinion to it. If a teacher, who has just been visited during a class shift, is congratulated for the achievements and diplomacy with which she has channeled the educational potential of the subject, she is receiving feedback on her professional projection and experience; that is to say, she is checking the external validation of her development in the teaching-learning process. A positive and accurate feedback is one in which, without any assumptions, the words and gestures are understood, which brings with it an absolute understanding of the topic or debate to be discussed.

However, on rare occasions the "response" we expect appears in the form of criticism or offenses caused by misunderstandings or misunderstandings. This happens when we give negative feedback. When we are not clear enough with the person or the person interpreted in certain signals, your response and therefore opposition to the subject. Influenced the subjective bias of the receiver. The feedback should result in a neutral and positive state, without place to negative emotions that hinder the healthy communication, derived in actions of curiosity, interest and surprises. Let's check if our feedback ends up being wrapped in the negative pole.

How to give feedback?

Then we come to the central issue of the question: how to give clear and direct feedback?

We understand feedback as: opinion and response, not as advice. If a person tells you: "I'm very bad", a feedback would be: "You look upset, how about if you lie down and relax a little", instead of "take a pill". The person wants, like a little child, to be understood and to feel understood. Give opinions, not advice. And since "giving" in the etymological origin of the word does not imply "receiving", do not expect a thank you or an immediate response to what you say. I emphasize, you did not give advice, it was an opinion, so if the person decides to listen to you or not, it is none of your business.

How to receive feedback?

As the receiver's response is a highly subjective piece of information, we understand that it is not 100% true, it may not even have anything to do with reality. Always listen and accept, but do not live according to other people's comments. It is not as if a musician stopped writing songs just because his music lover friend did not like it. However, if many people tell you the same thing, be careful! Intuitions, especially when they are similar, must be listened to. You can't be foolish either. Another thing to keep in mind is that if someone tells us ¨you look bad, what if you don't go to work today?¨ If you follow that consideration, accept until the end that it was taken under your responsibility.

Negative feedback.

A negative feedback is installed in our minds when, for fear that the other person believes that our point of view is wrong could be offended. The important thing about feedback is precisely that: to give back, to give back politely and kindly. You do not have to specialize in the subject, if you are not a gardener your opinion about begonias does not have to be the right one, but it is still your vision of the world, it matters and it must be respected. Try not to change what you mean, and give the opposite answer to your principles. If you already said you didn't like their music, and your friend is still crying, don't take it back with a: "Well, now that I listen to it better, I think I like it a lot".

What to do and what not to do?

Feedback can also be formulated as praise; you praise their hard work, the achievement of goals or selfless help, rather than telling them: "I am very proud of your progress", "I wanted to congratulate you" or "excellent gesture".

The only thing we should not do is to praise excessively, if the person does not credit a compliment do not do it, especially when it comes to basic tasks that are part of their obligation, it would be not very credible. If you are going to talk about something, always calmly and making sure it is relevant information. Do not demotivate by "criticizing", always state your arguments in a constructive way, without hints or judgments.