The importance of listening in life coaching

You think that by using silence as a decisive weapon in your communication you are already listening. But, while you are quietly "listening" to the introduction, development and conclusion of the monologue in question, are you analyzing the words one by one? Or, on the contrary, the lyrics of a song, the argument you had with your older brother or the funny video you were laughing at while dancing on a cupcake, are rebroadcast in your mind with certain frequency. At certain moments we feel that we come back to ourselves, as if we had pressed "pause" and then "play" to the conversation, and we must emphasize that no matter how monotonous it becomes, this process of "disconnecting" is not related to what listening is in itself, and we miss revealing nuances of the information.

Differences between "listening" and "hearing".

That song reminds you of her. Every time you hear it you feel as if a part of you is completely activated. To hear you need your ears, and to interpret, the rest of our senses with the main boss: the brain.

This is how it works: the ears pick up a sound, a melody, sound waves that travel as an electrical impulse to your brain to be transformed into a signal that is interpreted as a song. Interpretation that arises from knowing the language, and the meaning you give it. If you hear: "Life is wonderful" is because you heard the sound that preceded it and interpreted that there were only magical moments to live.

Active listening.

Active listening is superior, we use certain guidelines, attitudes or skills to "activate" a more accurate interpretation of reality, taking into account these elements, which are shown below:

• Differentiate what the person wants to tell you: It is not the same to hear: ¨I'm tired¨, in a drowsy and sleepy tone to one with a teasing and mocking attitude. Their body language can also give you an indication of their negative or favorable attitude.

• Look: Here again we include attention, if they do not look at you when you speak you can infer that they are not paying attention to you, and we have already seen that active listening involves all the senses.

• Give up distraction: It is not your fault if suddenly a butterfly flies in front of your eyes and makes you lose attention for a few seconds, but try to concentrate. When you're enjoying doing something you love, how quickly does the time go by?

• Get involved: Be part of the conversation and express: "Oh yeah, really?" and non-verbal gestures such as nodding your head, always mimicking the emotions of your companion.

• Be interested in the story: If the other person tells you: "I want to have a partner" and your response is: "I don't consider that..." or "To me that..." you are gaining prominence. Continue with their story. Let the goal of listening to him/her be accomplished.

Obstacles to active listening.

While it is true that it is difficult to listen in an active way. There are certain details, overshadowed by blocks or obstacles that we impose on ourselves without realizing it, preventing us from listening:

• You do not listen to understand: In the middle of a heated argument, your blood burns, anger consumes you. And on top of that, the other person does not stop "excusing" your behavior. At the slightest opportunity, you jump in with other arguments. No one understood anyone.

• Preconceived ideas: When we say preconceived we mean that we already have in our "mental dictionary" ideas and beliefs that are ours. Women are more sensitive, it is not up to you, who are a man, to cry" JudgingOur judgment is fed by "preconceived ideas". If you are already a mother, you will tell your daughter: ¨As long as you live under my roof you will do what I say¨ and you will judge her subsequent performance in good and bad depending on this premise.

• Reach an agreement: I know it's hard, how am I going to try to understand this person who is treating me badly? How am I even going to rethink that he/she is right? Simple, you don't have to. Understanding and listening in unison, involves flooding yourself with an opinion other than your own. Revalidate what you believe and come to a "friendly" agreement. I understand that my attitude bothered you, but your words hurt me in the same magnitude.

Importance.

Once we have discussed the stones in the way to reach the ecstasy of an active and meaningful listening, we are in conditions to define its importance, to define the importance of a communication based on listening, it allows us to understand, and to facilitate an awareness and with it the resolution or at least the elaboration of advice to solve the conflict, or to allow us to be more reliable and closer to the other, giving him/her a place of attention.

To the extent that we listen more, we will get to know ourselves more in detail, because certain emotions will be aroused that we need to discover when we see ourselves reflected in the stories they tell us. Listening is impregnated with certain concepts and mental judgments; knowing how to distinguish and manage them will lead us to discover the distance between perception and reality. Think of it this way.

If I only listen based on what I believe, what I sense it to be and what I am convinced it is, how attentive is our listening if we are only listening to ourselves? Developing active listening will bring us closer to the other, and to our empathic self. If we focus our senses in the right direction, knowing when our voice is interceding, we will identify the real problems and judgments that the person who entrusted us with their problems is carrying in order to help them. Don't you think?