Growth and Crisis

The botanical lesson of adversity

We can draw a profound lesson about human and relational development by looking at the biology of trees.

If we analyze the trunk of a cut tree, we will see concentric rings that mark its history.

What is fascinating is that vital growth does not occur in the safe and secure center, but at the outer edge, just below the bark, where the tree is in direct contact with the hostile elements.

Similarly, growth in a relationship and in personal character does not happen in the comfort zone, but at the edge where we face challenges, stresses and difficulties.

"Comfort" is often a state of stagnation; "crisis" is the sign that we are alive and expanding.

There is a technique in forestry where the outside of the tree is tapped to induce a state of controlled crisis.

The tree, sensing the threat, reacts by sending signals to its roots to absorb more nutrients and water than normal, accelerating its strengthening and growth to survive.

In our lives, "shocks" - be they marital conflicts, financial losses or health crises - serve a similar function.

They bring us out of lethargy and force us to mobilize inner resources we didn't know we had.

If we choose to see crisis not as a punishment, but as a catalyst, we can use adversity to deepen our emotional roots and expand our capacity to love.

The Choice Between Annihilation and Expansion

In the face of life's onslaughts, couples have two choices. The first is to allow themselves to be "annihilated" by the blow, adopting the role of victim, blaming each other and letting bitterness dry up the bond.

This is the response of immaturity, which seeks ease and rejects the pain of growth.

The second option is that of maturity: accepting the challenge, becoming alert and consciously deciding to absorb more "nutrients" (patience, faith, communication, therapy) to overcome the test.

In doing so, the relationship adds a "new ring" of experience and strength that was not there before.

Growth is, in essence, the process of maturing through overcoming obstacles.

A couple that has never faced a crisis is a couple that does not know its true strength.

Mature people understand that mistakes and failures are not the end of the road, but the raw material of learning.

By embracing th