New Rhythms and Routines

Breaking the inertia of negative patterns.

The popular definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

In relationships, we often fall into this trap, repeating scenarios and scripts that invariably end in argument or disconnection.

If we know that certain issues or times of the day are prone to conflict, persisting in the same routine is negligent.

To defuse these triggers, deliberate changes in the "rhythm" of the interaction are necessary. Changing the tune changes the dance.

The goal is not to go back to the way things were before, but to create a new dynamic that fits who we are today.

These changes may seem superficial, but they have a profound impact on neuroassociation.

If budget discussions always happen on Sunday nights at the kitchen table and end in shouting, just being in the kitchen on a Sunday already puts the body on defensive alert. The "new rhythm" strategy involves altering the physical and temporal variables.

Why not talk about finances on Saturday morning during a walk in the park? By changing the context, we prevent the brain from activating the fight autopilot and open up space for new responses.

Implementing strategic novelty

For these new rhythms to take hold, it requires intentionality and sometimes outside help.

Agreeing with a partner (or accountability partner) that a new way of interacting will be tried helps to maintain commitment.

For example, you may decide to change your morning routine: instead of starting the day with rushing and complaining, get up 15 minutes earlier to share a coffee in silence or with music.

Or if family meetings are always tense, change the format: instead of a long and formal dinner, do a playful and brief activity. The change can also be sensory.

Smell is a powerful emotional anchor; using a different fragrance or calming essential oils in times of stress can subtly alter mood.

Changing the route to work or meeting a partner breaks the hypnosis of the daily routine.

By injecting conscious novelty into patterns of living together, we send a signal to the nervous system that "this is different,"