Practical Self-Love

The Mirror Technique and Inner Validation

In the search for connection, we often fall into the error of externalizing our source of validation, turning the partner into a mirror that should reflect back to us how valuable we are.

When the other fails to fulfill that function, our self-esteem plummets. The antidote is to regain ownership of that mirror.

The "mirror technique" is a powerful practice that consists of looking into each other's eyes ;literally in a mirror; and verbalizing the appreciation, love and recognition we long to receive from the outside. It is not an act of vanity, but of neurological reconnection with oneself.

This exercise involves saying things to yourself like, "I see you, I value your effort, I forgive you for your mistakes, and I love you unconditionally."

At first it may feel artificial or uncomfortable, but with repetition, the barrier of self-criticism is broken.

We are used to looking at ourselves for flaws (wrinkles, blemishes); shifting our gaze to soul-searching and gratitude for one's existence creates a foundation of unshakable inner security.

When we fill ourselves with words of affirmation, we come to the relationship from fullness, not from affective begging.

The standard of treatment and the eradication of arrogance.

There is a crucial distinction between genuine self-love and arrogance. Arrogance is born of insecurity; it is a cry of "look at me, I'm better than you" that desperately seeks external confirmation.

Self-love, on the other hand, is quiet and solid; it says "I know who I am and I am at peace with it."

When we cultivate this self-love, we automatically set the standard for how we allow ourselves to be treated.

Life and people are mirrors that reflect the relationship we have with ourselves. If we treat ourselves with neglect or harshness, we will tolerate the same from others.

Treating ourselves with the same courtesy, generosity and patience that we would offer to an honored guest reprograms our relational expectations.

This includes tangible actions: sending each other flowers, giving each other quality time, writing notes of encouragement.

By becoming our own "good partner," we stop accepting mediocre behaviors from others because they dissonance with ou