Security vs. Freedom

The paralysis of the known zone

The fundamental dilemma that prevents many people from achieving relational fulfillment is the unconscious choice between security and freedom.

Often, we behave like ships that were designed to sail oceans, but choose to remain moored in port for fear of the swell.

The harbor offers undeniable protection: there are no storms, the supply is constant and the environment is predictable. However, over time, the ship rusts and loses its purpose.

In relationships, this translates into staying in stagnant or mediocre bonds simply because they are familiar and "safe," avoiding the inherent risk involved in seeking authentic and deep connection.

This preference for safety is often rooted in stories or narratives we tell ourselves about the dangers of the outside world.

We may observe others living passionate, free and authentic relationships ;metaphorically flying or sailing free; and feel a pang of envy.

However, when the opportunity presents itself to open the door to that freedom (getting out of a toxic relationship, being vulnerable, expressing a real need), fear paralyzes us.

We rationalize our immobility by exaggeratedly valuing the "crumbs" of comfort we receive (superficial companionship, financial stability, routine) over the uncertainty of freedom.

The cost of the gilded cage

Choosing security over freedom comes at a high existential price. By opting for the known, however unsatisfactory, we give up the possibility of growth and expansion. It is a form of self-confinement.

The "cage" may be decorated with comforts, entertainment and absence of major conflicts, but it remains a prison that limits human potential.

By refusing to risk going out in search of what we really desire ;whether it is a more compatible partner or a different dynamic with the current partner; we are deciding to live a reduced version of our life.

Real freedom requires courage. It involves being willing to face temporary loneliness, rejection or failure in exchange for the possibility of finding something real.

People who prioritize security over freedom tend to stagnate, repeating the same patterns year after year.

Conversely, those who value freedom understand that discomfort is the toll paid for authenticity. One cannot discover new horizons without losing sight of the shore.

The central question that defines the trajectory of our relationships is: Are we looking for a safe haven to hide in, or a platform from which to fly and be free?

ABSTRACT

Many people sacrifice their potential for happiness by choosing the comfort of the known, staying in stagnant relationships that function as safe havens but limit their freedom and growth.

Although we observe and desire the freedom that others enjoy, fear of the unknown and overvaluing security paralyze us, keeping us trapped in unsatisfactory but familiar situations.

Opting for freedom implies taking risks and renouncing false guarantees of security, this being the only way to build an authentic, expansive and truly meaningful relational life.