Step 3 - Mutual Solutions

Synergistic creativity and brainstorming.

Only after both partners feel fully heard and validated (Step 2), can you proceed to Step 3: the search for solutions.

Trying to solve before connecting is futile. At this stage, the couple shifts their focus from the past (what happened and how we feel) to the future (what are we going to do about it).

The goal is to find a solution that meets the fundamental needs of both, not a mediocre compromise where both lose, but a synergistic "Win-Win-Win" solution.

Let's imagine a couple planning their vacation. One wants adventure and hiking in the mountains; the other wants total relaxation at a beach resort.

If they argue from their positions ("Mountain" vs. "Beach"), they will reach an impasse.

However, after shared understanding, they discover that one's underlying need is "activity and connection with nature" and the other's is "rest and being pampered." With this information, they can brainstorm creatively.

Perhaps they find a destination that offers luxury cabins (rest) near hiking trails (activity), or decide to split the time.

The key is that no one imposes their will; they are both on the same team solving a logic puzzle.

Influencing each other and closing the deal

For this process to work, both must be willing to accept the influence of the other.

This means having the flexibility to modify one's initial position based on new information received about the partner's feelings. Rigidity is the enemy of the solution.

In our example, the mountain lover might agree to go to the beach if hiking is included, recognizing that his partner's happiness is also his priority.

It is a matter of looking for the "third way," an option that neither had considered at the outset but which integrates the best of both worlds.

Once a possible solution has been identified, it is vital to check whether it really works for both of you.

Questions such as "How do you feel about this decision?" or "Is there anything bothering you about this plan?" help ensure there is no false compliance or hidden resentment.

If one feels that he or she has "lost" in order for the other to "win," the conflict has not been resolved, only postponed.

A lasting agreement is one where both can honestly say, "I feel good about this."

This process strengthens the couple's partnership, demonstrating that they can face significant differences and come out stronger.

SUMMARY

The search for solutions is only effective after emotional connection, focusing on meeting the underlying needs of both through creativity and avoiding compromises that generate losers and resentment.

Flexibility and acceptance of mutual influence are essential to find a third alternative that integrates the desires of both, transforming the initial competition into a constructive collaboration.

The process concludes by verifying that the agreement is genuinely satisfactory to both parties, ensuring that the solution strengthens the bond and leaves no residue of dissatisfaction or forced compliance.