The human need for connection

The biological impulse and the statistical reality

Human beings are, by biological and psychological design, gregarious creatures who reject prolonged isolation.

There is an almost gravitational impulse that drives approximately 96% of the adult population to seek, at some point in their existence, a life partner to establish a common project.

We are not programmed for loneliness; we instinctively seek someone who cares about our well-being and with whom to share the narrative of our life.

However, there is a cognitive dissonance between our biological desire and our ability to execute.

Despite the fact that the intention to form a couple is almost universal, the success statistics are discouraging.

We know that about half of all marriages or civil unions end up legally dissolved.

Even among those who remain together, a significant percentage reside in what we might call an "emotional divorce," where cohabitation persists but the vital connection has been extinguished, giving way to hopelessness or resignation to living a life less than dreamed of.

The deficit of preparation and tools

The core of the problem lies not in a lack of love or desire, but in a fundamental lack of relational competence.

We throw ourselves into the complexities of stable relationships without any training, much like someone trying to captain a ship on the high seas without any knowledge of navigation, driven only by the desire to cross the ocean.

We lack healthy role models; we often replicate dysfunctional dynamics observed in our childhood or absorb romantic myths from popular culture that make us believe that love should be easy and automatic.

Most people start cohabitation with distorted expectations about their partner, expecting the other to be the inexhaustible source of their happiness.

Not having acquired conflict management skills, assertive communication or emotional intelligence, when the initial euphoria fades, the couple finds themselves disarmed in the face of everyday reality.

Relationship science suggests that success is not a matter of luck, but of acquiring a specific and applicable skill set.

SUMMARY

The vast majority of individuals instinctively seek to share their existence, driven by a deep need for connection that removes us from isolation and promises emotional security and vital companionship.

However, statistics reveal a harsh reality where many unions fail miserably, demonstrating that the initial intense desire alone is insufficient to sustain a lasting relational structure.

Failure often lies in starting this life journey without technical maps or preparation, basing our hopes on fanciful expectations rather than acquiring the practical skills needed to build.