Codependency. Being Overly Responsible for Others

Invading Other People's Lanes: The Essence of Overresponsibility

The other side of codependency is being excessively responsible for others, which is the equivalent of intruding on someone else's lane.

This happens when we see that someone isn't doing well or when that person isn't doing what we think they should be doing.

This attitude is a lack of respect for others' autonomy and their right to govern their own lives on their own terms.

This tendency toward overresponsibility manifests itself in two very common ways in our relationships, which are controlling and excessive caretaking.

Both forms, although they seem different, are born from the same need to manage our own anxiety through the lives of other people around us.

The First Form: Control

The first form of being excessively responsible is controlling, which is when you become responsible for ensuring that others meet your every expectation.

Your mental attention is focused on getting the other person to conform to your wishes and to do things exactly your way and not theirs.

You feel the need for others to bend their wishes to yours so that you can feel secure, seeing the other person as a reflection.

You believe you know what is best for them and go so far as to want to dictate their behavior, their clothing, and even their own unique appearance.

This desire for control is not a show of strength, but a manifestation of our own insecurity, which we try to assuage by dominating our environment and others.

The Second Form: Excessive Caretaking

The second form of overresponsibility is caretaking, which is when you take charge of other people's problems or their consequences.

Your mental attention is focused almost exclusively on solving other people's problems, on alleviating their pain and protecting them from any possible harm.

The other person's struggles directly affect your own serenity, and you get to the point where you feel like you can't be happy if the other person isn't happy.

You think it's your fault when things don't go well for them, and you assume it's your job to fix their life or even undo