Identifying the Negative Parent

The Inner Critic That Rules Us

Within us lives a negative parental voice that acts like an inner critic, putting up barriers to our desires.

This voice is what judges us, limits us, and prevents us from feeling free to act according to our true needs.

Often, this part of us operates from the unconscious, ruling our lives without us even realizing its presence.

Learning to consciously identify it is the first essential step to begin to neutralize its power over us.

The Desire Test. How to Make the Negative Parent Talk

There is a very simple and effective exercise to be able to make this internal critical voice manifest clearly.

You simply have to express out loud a genuine desire for pleasure or rest, such as "I want to leave everything and go out and play."

Immediately after saying it, you must listen very carefully to the first voice that responds inside your head.

If you suffer from anxiety, this first response will almost always be that of your Negative Parent, who will oppose your wish.

The Barriers of Criticism. Typical Phrases from the Negative Parent

The Negative Parent specializes in putting up barriers and giving you reasons why you don't deserve what you want.

You might hear phrases like, "There's too much work to do right now, you don't have time to play."

Or they might say something like, "You have no right to demand pleasure right now with everything else you have going on."

They may also come in with self-critical messages like, "What's wrong with you?" or "I can't stand myself."

The Echo of the Past. Recognizing Your Parents' Voice

One of the most important revelations of this exercise is discovering that this critical voice is not originally yours.

As you listen to it, you will realize that the tone and words are very similar to those your parents used.

This voice is an echo from the past, a recording of the critical messages you absorbed during your childhood and adolescence.

You have internalized these external criticisms so much that you now reproduce them yourself, believing them to be your own way of thinking.

Identification as the First Step to Liberation

The simple act of recognizing this voice and realizing that it is not your own takes away a great deal of its power.

The deeper you go in listening to these parental voices, the clearer they become and the easier it