Asking for what you want

Knowing how to make clear and direct requests is an essential skill for assertive communication.

Often, we make the mistake of making vague requests, such as a suggestion or a question, which gives the other person the option to refuse.

An assertive request, on the other hand, is a statement that is not open to negotiation.

It is direct, specific and forceful, which increases the likelihood of getting what is desired.

The Importance of Clarity in Requests

Clear requests are crucial because they enable us to get what we want effectively.

In a work context, this may be asking for a pay raise, and in a personal context, it may be asking our partner to help us with household chores.

Many people avoid making clear requests for fear of being impolite or for the belief that they have no right to ask for anything.

However, lack of clarity in requests leaves us vulnerable to others taking advantage of us because we are not setting boundaries.

Strategies for making assertive requests

To make a clear and assertive request, it is important to follow three steps. The first is to be clear in our mind what we want to happen.

We must identify our desire without thinking about what others are willing to give us.

The second step is to formulate the request as a statement, not as a question or a suggestion.

For example, "I would like you to be home by 6:00 p.m. for dinner" is a clear statement, as opposed to "Could you be home by 6:00 p.m. for dinner?"

The third step is to be specific.

A vague request, such as "I would like you to help me," is not as effective as a request that gives a clear boundary, such as "I would like you to be home at 6:00 p.m. for dinner so you can eat with us."

Practicing assertiveness

By making clear requests, we are taking responsibility for our desires and setting boundaries.

It is a skill that takes practice, but over time, it allows us to communicate more confidently and assertively.

By being clear, direct and specific, we increase the likelihood of getting what we want and