The [I'm not okay, you're not okay] Position (Victim)

The "I'm not okay, you're not okay" position is a self-defeating stance where the person feels powerless to change their circumstances.

This role, known as the victim, sees life as something that "happens" to them, and feels unable to exert control over their destiny.

Their behavior is characterized by the avoidance of responsibility, the seeking of pity from others, and the tendency to blame external factors, whether people or situations, for their failures and problems.

The avoidance of responsibility

The victim role manifests itself in a number of detrimental behaviors, such as lack of motivation at work or apathy in personal relationships.

When confronted with their situation, people in this position often resort to excuses or aggressiveness.

They cling to the idea that their situation is immutable and that they are powerless to change it.

This mentality prevents them from seeking solutions and keeps them in a state of stagnation, as they delegate responsibility for their happiness to others.

Pity-seeking and playing the "yes, but" game

People in the victim position often seek sympathy from others, but at the same time reject any unsolicited help or advice.

They engage in a game called "yes, but," where they invalidate any suggestion given to them with an objection, thus fueling their sense of helplessness.

While they may feel bad about themselves, they also seek to make others feel bad in the process, manifesting a lack of respect for others and for themselves.

This creates a destructive cycle that compromises the sustainability of their relationships.

The inability to change

Change for a person in this position must come from within.

No one else can solve their problems if they are unwilling to take responsibility for their lives.

The fundamental belief behind this behavior is that the cost of remaining as they are is less than going through the discomfort that comes with change.

This is the reason they cling to their victim role, feeding their own helplessness and expecting someone else to save them from their problems.

Summary

The victim position is self-destructive, where the person feels unable to change their circumstances. Their behavior is characterized by avoidance of responsibility, pity-seeking, and a tendency to blame others for their problems.

The victim clings to the idea that their situation is immutable and delegates responsibility for their happiness to others. They reject any help with a game of "yes, but", which feeds their sense of helplessness.

Change for the victim must come from within. No one else can solve their problems if they are not willing to take responsibility for their life. They cling to their role because the cost of change is greater than the discomfort.